Nevin's Notes (17/04/10)

An alternative take on the election

*Stars! More of them! Gary Barlow for the Conservatives, Eddie Izzard for Labour.

Gary accompanied David Cameron to a Cheshire school. Eddie presented Labour's second election broadcast and chaired a meeting for Gordon Brown in Brighton. Did you know that Gary got his first break at the Connah's Quay Labour Club on keyboard in 1984? I telephoned to see how this rank ingratitude was going down. Vicky, who works behind the bar, said times had changed since then and Gary's vote was a matter for him, but she would definitely be voting Labour. There's some pre-tweet graciousness for you.

*Celebrity Extra! Gordon Brown has revealed that he also asked Simon Cowell to help him. And on Thursday, Eddie met Bob Blizzard in Lowestoft. Mr Blizzard, local MP and Labour candidate, said: "It is fabulous to have Eddie here. The idea of Blizzard meeting Izzard will really set my campaign alight." Terrific. Sorry? No, Simon was too busy.

*Worth the Wait! Here it is, the essential verdict so many of you have been eagerly anticipating before coming to a definitive decision on who won the first televised debate. Yes, it's my exclusive survey of their suits etc! First up, Jeffrey at the Savile Row Company. Best suit in terms of cut and fit: Cameron. Only correct shirt sleeve length, between half and three- quarters of an inch above the sleeve: Brown. Trousers too long: Brown and Clegg. Slightly curling shirt collar: Cameron. Slipped tie: Clegg. Untidiest knot, slightly off centre, collar top showing: Guess. Next, H Huntsman of Savile Row. Suit too informal, jarring with tie, trousers too long, coat a little short, puckered lapel: Clegg. Too deep armholes, making for massive sleeves and unflattering bulk across the shoulders: Cameron. Best cut suit: Brown. Next, Alan and John, menswear department, the excellent Tyrers of St Helens, Lancs. Naffy: Clegg. Sorry, I misheard Alan there: that should read Natty. All round winner: Clegg, fine tie, yellow very flattering colour. Worst feature: "Interestingly," said Alan, "My good lady said about Cameron: 'I don't like the look of his trousers'." Thank you. I am also in a position to end, exclusively, widespread speculation about N Clegg's suit: Paul Smith. Foolishly declining to take part in this survey: TK Maxx, Primark, and a Hong Kong tailor I tracked down to the Thistle Hotel, Exeter.

*Doings of the jeunesse dorée (continued). Today, as promised, Dr The Hon Tristram Hunt, earthy Labour candidate for Stoke Central. In a surprise move, the Doctor has come out against Nando's chicken restaurants. Note: There are no Nando's in Stoke. Note to his Conservative opponent, Norsheen Bhatti, formerly sometime exotic dancer: the invitation on your website to discover the party's vision of the future leads to the worrying message, "Page Not Found".

*Worth the Wait (2)! Here, as well, is the promised reaction to the debate from William Eric Jones, the 10-year-old from Plymouth whose christening present from a family friend was a £10 bet at 25,000-1 with William Hill's that he will become Prime Minister. William watched with great interest. "I think the public were wrong to choose Nick Something. I think David Cameron should have won, because I think he had the best ideas." And Gordon Brown? "He was rubbish." Hmmm. I think this might be the time to reveal that William's dad is a banker.*This just in! For next week, George at Asda recommends his £49 pinstripes and £5 silk ties. Personally, I'd go for the £3 clip-on ties in case it turns nasty.