Deborah Ross: I just wish I could give to everyone

If you ask me...

Deborah Ross
Thursday 15 September 2011 00:00
Comments

If you ask me, I won't be contributing to the Dahl family's £500,000 appeal to help restore and shift Roald's shed, if only because I am already contributing towards the shifting of Sir Paul McCartney's pergola, which, sadly, is currently north-facing whereas south-facing would be more the ticket. Indeed, as his daughter, Stella, so movingly put it when she launched the Sir Paul McCartney Pergola Appeal and before rushing off to design a great deal of over-priced sportswear: "Dad does like to feel the sun on his face and, after all he has done, who would wish to deny him?"

Ideally, I would contribute to both, but times are tight, I'm afraid, plus I've also just donated quite a sum to Simon Cowell, whose tumble-drier is on the blink, and heaven knows how much that is going to cost. An arm and a leg, I suspect. Parts are never cheap, nor is labour and, blow me, if it didn't break down the day after the warranty ran out. Isn't that always the way? ("It is," sighed Cowell, morosely).

I feel bad about Dahl's shed, I seriously do, and bad for his grand-daughter, Sophie, who referred to it so heart-rendingly as "the poor little hut" and has far better things to do than try to offload the cost on to the nation. She has her grandfather's royalties to count. She is a TV star. She is a global supermodel. She is the wife of a multi-millionaire musician, to whom she probably says, on her return home in the evenings: "Jamie, I'm pooped, and don't need this, but that poor little hut. I can't just stand by while the British public do nothing about it. What sort of person would that make me?"

If asked, I think I would say to Ms Dahl what I say to "chuggers" on the street when I'm not quick enough to avoid eye contact. I would say: "I can't afford to give to everybody" and it's true. In fact, JK Rowling was onto me just a few days ago saying she dearly wants a new fitted kitchen and has her eye on Poggenpohl so I had to give it to her straight: "I'm afraid Sir Paul's pergola got in first, love. And if they decide to also move his bench, that's going to be an extra £800,000 at least."

So I feel bad – terrible! – but what can you do, if rich celebrities keep coming at you, cap in hand? Or, as I said to Victoria Beckham who is seeking funds for side-return extension and a new set of saucepans: "What if Sir Paul wants to reposition his little faux wishing well? Had you thought of that?"

Register for free to continue reading

Registration is a free and easy way to support our truly independent journalism

By registering, you will also enjoy limited access to Premium articles, exclusive newsletters, commenting, and virtual events with our leading journalists

Please enter a valid email
Please enter a valid email
Must be at least 6 characters, include an upper and lower case character and a number
Must be at least 6 characters, include an upper and lower case character and a number
Must be at least 6 characters, include an upper and lower case character and a number
Please enter your first name
Special characters aren’t allowed
Please enter a name between 1 and 40 characters
Please enter your last name
Special characters aren’t allowed
Please enter a name between 1 and 40 characters
You must be over 18 years old to register
You must be over 18 years old to register
Opt-out-policy
You can opt-out at any time by signing in to your account to manage your preferences. Each email has a link to unsubscribe.

By clicking ‘Create my account’ you confirm that your data has been entered correctly and you have read and agree to our Terms of use, Cookie policy and Privacy notice.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy policy and Terms of service apply.

Already have an account? sign in

By clicking ‘Register’ you confirm that your data has been entered correctly and you have read and agree to our Terms of use, Cookie policy and Privacy notice.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy policy and Terms of service apply.

Register for free to continue reading

Registration is a free and easy way to support our truly independent journalism

By registering, you will also enjoy limited access to Premium articles, exclusive newsletters, commenting, and virtual events with our leading journalists

Already have an account? sign in

By clicking ‘Register’ you confirm that your data has been entered correctly and you have read and agree to our Terms of use, Cookie policy and Privacy notice.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy policy and Terms of service apply.

Join our new commenting forum

Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies

Comments

Thank you for registering

Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in