The Sketch: Fools! It's the perfect time to have a Tory leadership contest

Do you want to know what I'm sick and tired of? It's people yawning when I start talking about public sector inflation. There's no need to be that stupid. You'll hear all about it soon enough, but there's a lot to get off my chest first.

Mr Thing looked tired, sounded tired and read out his Iraq questions perfunctorily. Mr Blair's doing all the work and Mr Thing's exhausted. And you know what? Neither of them said a word about public sector inflation.

Maybe Mr Thing's on his last legs; if his party had any sense it would have its leadership election now, when no one's looking. But they say sad, fat, Tory things such as: "It's impossible to have an election while there's a war on." Fools! It's the only time to have one, while the Prime Minister's off on the eye-catching initiative he's personally associated himself with.

It was put to Mr Blair that the war had started already and that he might take the British people into his confidence on the subject. Mr Blair said there was absolutely no change in the activity in Iraq's no-fly zone even though our warplanes are bombing everything they can, like 40 kinds of buggery. The anti-war Commons faction suddenly looks as tired as Mr Thing.

Tom Brake pointed out that council tax rises were enormous and that half the health trusts were fiddling their figures to claim they were meeting government targets for target-meeting.

Mr Blair responded in a self-defeating way. The trusts that hadn't been audited had produced accurate figures, he said. (How did he know that?) And not a single council was getting anything other than an above-inflation government grant. It seems government money ("investment") just makes things more expensive.

I can't hold it back any more. Inflation in the public sector is running at three times the rate in the private sector (crudely, it's Gordon Brown's billions driving up prices in the NHS). Seventy per cent of all the money Mr Brown is "investing" will, therefore, be wasted.

Michael Howard made a point of order and Gordon Brown stayed to hear it. I thought he was pretty good, but then I've got £250 on him at 7-1 to be the next leader of the Tories.

The Budget was to be delivered the day before the Easter recess (the concept of burying bad news might be alluded to). What about the traditional four days of Budget debate? Mr Brown found himself alone on the front bench with two empty places either side of him. He grinned a lot (the pound started sliding immediately). He shifted his legs towards David Blunkett to make himself look less lonely.

Things were so bad for a moment that he started talking to Robin Cook! Normally he would rather eat cold toads. Then Paul Boateng rushed back in and plumped himself beside his boss. Gordon Brown scowled briefly; sterling steadied.

It turns out the Easter recess is delayed. They're sitting Thursday, Friday and the following Monday. And on the fourth day they rise again. God help us all.

Simoncarr75@hotmail.com