The Sketch: Shhhh! The quiet man's speaking, and no one's paying a blind bit of notice

It's very rare to hear anything of significance in the House of Commons but never more so than when Mr Thing is at the dispatch box. The invisible man is now going for inaudibility; I think he'll pull it off. He's got the talent for it. The quiet man (it was his whispered boast at the conference: "Never underestimate the determination of a quiet man") rises to speak and the government benches all go "Shhhh!" It's quite funny the first two or three times they do it. You can hardly hear what he's saying. But, oh yes, that's the point.

First, in the spirit of objective parliamentary reporting, Mr Thing pointed out that attacks on teachers had quadrupled since the Government had interfered in school exclusions (during his reign of terror, Mr Blunkett insisted on fewer exclusions). Tony Blair responded that only 3 per cent of appeals against exclusions were successful. If that is true – unfortunately, we've only the Prime Minister's word for it – it's persuasive.

Next, Mr Thing attacked the A-level – no idea what an A-level is any more, the A/S-level being too much of a strain. His solution was to do away with A/S-levels altogether. The Prime Minister pointed out that the exam had been brought in by the Tories, specifically one Eric Forth, shadow Leader of the House, sitting just behind Mr Thing's left shoulder. The argument went to and fro, accusations and counter accusations. Mr Thing had failed to nail the Government to the fiasco (the real charge is lack of foresight, not the stupidity of the exam). The Prime Minister was doing what he does best (wriggling) and Mr Thing was declaiming "When something's wrong it's wrong!" as quietly as he could in the circumstances.

Hang on, I haven't mentioned the House was in uproar. Ever since Mr Forth had been named, he started to act up. He grinned, he gesticulated, he put a finger to his head and pulled the trigger. He laughed and Labour laughed with him. Mr Thing was inaudible, but not in a good way. No one was paying a blind bit of notice to him except Eric Forth. At the words, "When something's wrong it's wrong!" the shadow Leader of the House stuck his forefinger up under his pursed upper lip like a cartoon baby. The noise was such that the Speaker rose to say: "Honourable members should leave the shadow Leader of the House alone."

The significance? Mr Forth is a great supporter of David Davis and a critic of Mr Thing's modernising tendencies. That a factional lieutenant can behave with such contempt of the party leader in the most public forum politics has to offer is frankly astonishing. It was so astonishing I didn't notice until it was over.

Mr Thing may have been put off his stride by all this because one of the few things we heard him say was: "An A-level is not worth the paper it's written on." This remark is of such ineptitude, alienating all students and all students' parents, that it may serve as Mr Thing's epitaph.

Mr Davis is good at a relatively easy job, laughing at Mr Prescott, but he does seem a more relaxed and interesting performer than his boss. It's probable he'd be a better leader than Mr Thing but, equally probably, not much better.

It's absolutely clear that the only Tory who can take on the Government is Ken Clarke. The Sketch predicts another leadership election called as soon as the Government postpones the euro referendum.

Simoncarr75@hotmail.com