The Sketch: The suave Mr Forth and the quiet Mr Thing, stars of a new party sitcom

There are those who say the Tory party has become part of the entertainment industry. I see it more as a sitcom, and you'd never accuse English sitcoms of being entertaining.

That sounds cynical. We must fight against this sort of cynicism; there's a long way to go and cheerfulness will make the journey seem shorter.

Robin Cook appeared as Leader of the House for Business Questions. Mr Cook's shadow is Eric Forth. They make an urbane pair, both of whom like each other more than either like their leader.

"What a relief to see the architect of AS-levels in his place," Mr Cook greeted Mr Forth, "given the prominent part he played in trouncing his leader yesterday."

"Didn't say a word!" Mr Forth murmured (you wait ages for a quiet Tory then two come along at once). "Didn't need to," Mr Cook continued suavely. "There was much concern for his welfare overnight and we are delighted that he didn't wake up this morning to find his appointment wasn't worth the paper it was printed on."

Mr Forth bowed from the neck and steepled his fingers in some Oriental gesture of thanks. The laugh track bubbled along very nicely, alerting the keener observers to the fact that something humorous was happening.

For those who've come in late, this all refers to the events of yesterday's Prime Minister's Questions – events which just fall short of being interesting enough to recap. Suffice it to say that Mr Forth displayed an indifference amounting to contempt for his leader at the dispatch box, and that has prompted speculation about Mr Thing's leadership. When your front bench is pulling faces behind your back it is hard ever again to look leaderly.

Poor Mr Thing is in such a trap; he can't sack Mr Forth and he can't carry on as normal. What can he do? The decent thing, perhaps, he'd be good at that. His parliamentary performance is good but not good enough. He has done what he can as leader of the party, now it's time for him to go. Mr Forth and Mr Cook are probably in agreement on that, as well.

Mr Forth's brand manager has done a pretty good job of positioning his client at the disdainful end of the Nasty Party. His packaging commands unprompted recognition – three-piece suit, gold watch chains looped through his waistcoat, novelty tie. He has no time for patricians, public school boys or plebs. He doesn't like the lofty, the lefty, or modernisers. He didn't like his constituency party much either, come to that, and they felt his disdain so keenly they deselected him.

His contribution to national life is threefold. He filibustered all through 1999 so much that he built a solid constituency for family friendly hours in Parliament (he hates family friendly hours). Second, he failed to support Robin Cook's proposals to give Parliament powers otherwise held by party cabals, weakening his treasured institution. Third, he fired the only really poisonous arrow into the Tory leader's rump, so that we can only follow him now until he dies. It's hard, though not impossible, to dislike Mr Forth, but his career does seem a little counter-productive, even for a modern Tory.

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