The Sketch: General Hoon denies rumours that even the canteen cat knows to be true

The drums of war were beating, yesterday, outside in Parliament Square. Well, actually they were the drums of peace from a demonstration that sounded as muscular and aggressive as the sound of imminent gunfire, for which Geoff Hoon, the Defence Secretary, was preparing us.

For the third time in less than a month General Hoon came to the House to make a statement on the build-up of forces in the Gulf. He has already announced the deployment of maritime forces, the Royal Marines, and land forces – including an armoured division and an armoured brigade. Yesterday, he set out details of the air forces that would be deployed. By the time Mr Hoon has finished, there won't be a soldier left to man Horseguards Parade, and it will be sea scouts changing guard at Buckingham Palace. He said: "I recognise this may tempt some people into speculation about the likelihood or timing of military action", while his nod in the direction of "no final decisions have been taken" reassured no one who was still rooting for peace.

What could not have been clearer, from his words, is that war is now a certainty. Outside the chamber, Labour's Jimmy Hood was overheard to say that "even the canteen cat knows we are going to war". This under-scored the seething anger from most Labour backbenchers who exploded when Mr Hoon refused to give them an undertaking that there would be an opportunity, beforehand, for a vote on a substantive motion. His words: "I do not anticipate the necessity of a vote before deployment" were met by a hail of verbal bullets and he was carpet-bombed with a chorus of "why not?"

Mr Hoon's response was feeble. He blustered with variations on a theme of the need to preserve the element of "surprise attack".

Diane Abbott unleashed the collective backbench weapon of mass Hoon destruction by making the obvious point that with nearly half the British and US forces massing on Saddam's doorstep, "the likelihood of a surprise attack is remote". On this she was even joined by the Tory Peter Viggers, a war supporter, who said Mr Hoon had made life for military planning more difficult by dribbling out the announcements.

Jeremy Corbyn launched his weapon of mass public opposition and noted that "public opinion is deeply sceptical and hostile".

Dennis Skinner used the old fashioned, Old Labour musket and blunderbuss of anti-Americanism and drove his bayonet into George Bush. This was all about saving "a tinpot American president who had a lousier election result than Robert Mugabe".

Only the rogue loyalist, David Winnick, backed Mr Hoon by turning on the dissidents, saying they were "too willing to give credibility to a murderous dictator". So it was left, mainly, to the Tories to provide cover to protect Mr Hoon from the unfriendly fire of Labour MPs. Bernard Jenkin, his shadow, underlined the view that conflict was now inevitable by noting that its "brevity belies its significance". He carped about the shortage of combat pilots and muttered concerns about "overstretch".

But Mr Jenkin is not a problem for Mr Hoon, who said, pointing to his French counterpart in Le Touquet earlier this week: "This is my real opposite number."

mrbrown@pimlico.freeserve.co.uk