King of the jungle

Introducing the most exciting new nature programme, the jewel of our autumn schedules: The Secret Life of David Attenborough. Featuring a hushed breathy commentary and some of the most exotic locations.

We watch the old mammal, the dominant male in this group for the past 50 years, hunting his prey, grooming himself, playing with other members of the family group (Richard), working his way through the undergrowth of BBC bureaucracy, in perfect harmony with the ecology of producers and controllers and schedulers and accountants.

We do not necessarily do the feeding and mating rituals, but Sir David is back on our screens later this month. We should gather round the household shrine to pay homage to the warm-bloodedness of the one-man environmental movement. Long may you survive, Sir David.