I am the fly who landed on Mike Pence - this is why I did it

I for one couldn’t believe what my ten thousand eyes were seeing

I sat quietly in my seat watching the vice presidential debate. There was a lot of buzz in the salty Utah air among my people. For over a decade we have been supporters of Donald Trump and Mike Pence. Yes, it’s true they want to drain the swamp — one of our biggest native homes — but there is no real alternative.

Barack Obama is the enemy of the fly; we have never forgotten that fateful day in 2009 when he callously swatted my cousin. “That was pretty impressive,” he said at the time, with unadulterated smugness at his brutality.

So, to the Trump-Pence ticket we swarmed.

I had hoped to just sit and watch Pence face Kamala Harris in the VP debate, take in the nuanced conversation and witty repartee, but alas I was forced to intervene. Just over halfway through the televised showdown, our mighty Vice President tried to claim that systemic racism does not exist in America. Well, I for one couldn’t believe what my ten thousand eyes were seeing.

Yes, the Democrats are no friend to the fly, but I could not let my deputy leader fail so spectacularly in front of millions of people, and so close to the election. So up I flew, nestling myself on that stunning snow-topped head, and buzzed into his ear.

“What are you doing?” I gently whispered to him.

No response. He continued his question-dodging and Harris-interrupting, so I tried again.

“Pencey, buddy, what’s going on?” I said louder, clinging on for dear life as he swung his head, giving Harris the side-eye as she called out Trump refusing to condemn white supremacist. A weak, mumbled “not true” is all he could muster as I frantically screamed and flicked my proboscis at his perfectly manicured hair. So after nearly two and half minutes — the same length of time as my favourite song, Fly Love by Jamie Foxx — I gave up and, in the words of Donald Trump, stood back.

Is it fair that I got more airtime than most female politicians? Perhaps not. Could I have done more to bug him? Maybe. But I refuse to take the blame for the disastrous performance we saw from the nation’s VP tonight, nor will I stop supporting the GOP’s efforts in this election.

Fly me to the moon, Trump — I will be your Space Force. Get me and my kind on the campaign trail, using all our legs to sign as many mail-in ballots as we can. I shall personally rally the House flies to swarm Nancy Pelosi and her representatives. This is going to be a tight race, but I think we can wing it.

By Lucy Anna Gray