How can we expect men to share parental leave when this is the reaction from their colleagues?

Some would comment regularly about my partners arrangements for childcare and taking leave – pointing out when he wasn’t available for work

Shared parental leave allows new parents to split up to 52 weeks of shared parental leave between them Sean Gallup/Getty Images (Sean Gallup/Getty)

When my daughter was born my husband and I took advantage of the governments Shared Parental leave by sharing the statutory paid provision.

One of my reasons for being a working mum is that I want to provide a good role model to my daughter. It shouldn’t be presumed that because you are a woman it is necessarily the case that you will “disappear” on maternity leave or choose not to re-enter the workforce. Some friends and family were surprised that I wasn’t going to take the “full nine months” – in effect presuming that it was just the done thing that I would take all the leave available to me that we could afford.

I am saddened by the news that fathers are not taking advantage of the rules brought in last year that allow them to share leave with their partners. However, from our experience it isn’t surprising.

I really enjoyed my leave and felt it was a privilege to spend time with my daughter. My own company were supportive – my HR department knew exactly what to do.

My husband’s company had to create a policy as they weren’t familiar with the legislation. It worked well, with my husband spending extended time with our daughter understanding her emerging personality.

For my husband the primary concerns around care-taking responsibilities didn’t come from above – it was more from his colleagues. Some were supportive, one colleague following suit and sharing their parental leave. But some would comment regularly about his arrangements for childcare and taking leave – pointing out when he wasn’t available for instance. It’s something he handled well, but it is apparent that more men need to do this before these kinds of comments dry up.

We need to convince people that caring for children is something both mothers and fathers can and should do. It helps my family financially for us both to work, and means our daughter sees us both equally. We consider it important for my daughter to see us both in both contexts – work and caregiving.

By sharing parental leave, it meant I could return to work earlier but also learn to divide up caring responsibilities more equally after parental leave ended. We take turns at dropping and picking up from nursery.

That’s the point of this policy – choice. Perhaps it is a smaller group of people who are willing to take it up at this stage, but it’s important that all families find the right answer for them.