The Independent’s journalism is supported by our readers. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn commission.

If you want to know what it's really like being a woman, listen to the people around her

Trying to make all of society’s expectations of women funny is hard work. In my case, even as a comedian, it sent me into a rage spiral. Microaggressions sound small - but when you put them together, they can be staggering. Don’t believe me? Then allow me to give you a breakdown of a woman’s life, through the voices of others

Bisha Kanval Ali
Thursday 15 October 2015 14:51
Comments
These girls were mocked for taking selfies at a baseball game - but is it any wonder they did it?
These girls were mocked for taking selfies at a baseball game - but is it any wonder they did it?

“You’re so adorable! You’re gonna be a heartbreaker one day. Your daughter’s so well behaved. Aren’t you pretty? If you give me a smile I’ll give you an extra one too. Do you like princesses? Girls aren’t ghostbusters, they’re princesses! You don’t like princesses? Aah, you’re a tomboy, that’s cool too. Tomboys are always popular with the boys, but for the wrong reasons. If you want to get a boyfriend, you’re better off not being a tomboy. Aren’t you a little young to be dating? Are you really going to wear that outfit? You’ll give people the wrong idea.

Why don’t you show off some skin? Dress a little nicer, that way you’ll be able to find someone. No one’s gonna notice you dressed like that. Never on a first date. What do you mean you don’t feel ready? This is the third date! Frigid bitch.

You fucked him on a first date? What a slut. Have you seen how she dresses? She’s begging for attention. You read comics? You must like all the attention you get from the guys. Oh, you like video games? It’s not gonna score you any points, you know.

You can’t dress like that for work - too much leg and too much cleavage. You’re dressed inappropriately. Ha, I took a fit bird home last night but I didn't even get her name. Your outfit is distracting in the workplace. You’re gorgeous, I can’t believe you don’t have a boyfriend! You don’t have a boyfriend because you don’t take care of yourself. If you don’t love yourself, how will anyone ever love you? Oh, you're in a relationship? Here are some tips on how to stop him from straying (because boys will be boys.)

I can’t date someone who has been with more people than me, or who makes more money than me. Are you taking contraception? I don’t want to deal with all of that - you should take care of it. Why are you taking the Pill? Is it cause you’re sleeping around? He’s not good enough for you, you’re way out of his league. Why are you so stuck-up? You should care more about what’s on the inside. He’s way out of your league, he'll only leave you for a younger and prettier version. When are you going to settle down?

Congratulations on your engagement! Do you think you’ll take his name? It’s traditional, and some traditions are just nice to keep up. Why kick up a fuss? You’re not changing your name to his, are you? Aren’t you an independent, free-thinking woman? It sure doesn't look like it.

You don’t want kids? But being a mother is part of being a woman. A family isn’t complete without children, you'll only regret it. You’re pregnant! That’s amazing. Did you plan it? Are you going to carry on working? So you’re going to be a stay-at-home mum, huh? A housekeeper, basically? Yeah, they say it’s a “full time job”, ha. You’re having a kid but you’re going to carry on with your career? Yeah, good luck with that. How can you abandon your children and let someone else raise them while you carry on working? Women shouldn’t have kids if they can’t care for them.

Oh wow, I can't believe you've had a daughter! She’s so adorable! She’s gonna be a heartbreaker some day.”

This piece originally appeared on Bisha K Ali’s Facebook page, where you can follow her work in comedy

To follow Bisha on Twitter: @bishakali

Register for free to continue reading

Registration is a free and easy way to support our truly independent journalism

By registering, you will also enjoy limited access to Premium articles, exclusive newsletters, commenting, and virtual events with our leading journalists

Please enter a valid email
Please enter a valid email
Must be at least 6 characters, include an upper and lower case character and a number
Must be at least 6 characters, include an upper and lower case character and a number
Must be at least 6 characters, include an upper and lower case character and a number
Please enter your first name
Special characters aren’t allowed
Please enter a name between 1 and 40 characters
Please enter your last name
Special characters aren’t allowed
Please enter a name between 1 and 40 characters
You must be over 18 years old to register
You must be over 18 years old to register
Opt-out-policy
You can opt-out at any time by signing in to your account to manage your preferences. Each email has a link to unsubscribe.

By clicking ‘Create my account’ you confirm that your data has been entered correctly and you have read and agree to our Terms of use, Cookie policy and Privacy notice.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy policy and Terms of service apply.

Already have an account? sign in

By clicking ‘Register’ you confirm that your data has been entered correctly and you have read and agree to our Terms of use, Cookie policy and Privacy notice.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy policy and Terms of service apply.

Register for free to continue reading

Registration is a free and easy way to support our truly independent journalism

By registering, you will also enjoy limited access to Premium articles, exclusive newsletters, commenting, and virtual events with our leading journalists

Already have an account? sign in

By clicking ‘Register’ you confirm that your data has been entered correctly and you have read and agree to our Terms of use, Cookie policy and Privacy notice.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy policy and Terms of service apply.

Join our new commenting forum

Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies

Comments

Thank you for registering

Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in