Did you cry on your way to work this morning? Are you wondering why you even bothered to leave the house? Does your life feel more empty and futile than ever? If so, congratulations! You have unwittingly become part of an entirely made-up day of despair, nattily christened Blue Monday by someone even more miserable than you.
The idea behind the ridiculous moniker is that the third Monday in January is the bleakest day of the year. But we disagree. Here are ten reasons why today is actually pretty darn excellent, with perky exclamation marks for added cheer:
WE'RE NOT GOING TO DIE!
An asteroid a third of mile wide that currently careering towards the earth is going to miss, by about 745,000 miles. Once this has failed to wipe out humanity (hurrah!) we're safe until 2027, when 1999AN10 will give it a jolly good go.
WE HAVE A DREAM!
It’s Martin Luther King Day, which means you can legitimately spend time reading these inspiring speeches.
Dolly Parton turns 68 today. Any world with Dolly in it is a happy world.
After a rather dismal 2014, Andy Murray has made a cracking start to his Australian Open bid, beating Yuki Bambrhi in straight sets.
The Decemberists’ latest album is out today. It’s called ‘What A Terrible World, What a Beautiful World’, so let’s focus on the latter, and the Oregon folk-rockers’ contribution to helping make it so. Choruses that can’t fail to uplift you.
...has been eradicated in Mali.
Today's news that will make you question everything you think you know to be true: Judi Dench has Harvey Weinstein's name tattooed on her bottom. She had 'JD loves HW' permanently etched onto her body as thanks for his part in persuading her to take the role of Queen Victoria in Mrs Brown, unveiling it to Weinstein at the Four Seasons, in front of Carly Simon, Nora Ephron and Mike Nichols. If that fails to make you smile, there may be something wrong with you.
Is actually decreasing worldwide, for the first time since the Industrial Revolution.
Have apologised, again. Are we soon to be living in a marginally less insane world?
A series of auctions held for the Independent's Homeless Veterans Appeal raised almost £50,000. You can donate here.
....And if all of this fails to cheer you, it's only 74 days until the next bank holiday.
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