I lost everything when my husband Jamal Khashoggi was murdered. Please, President Trump, help me get justice

Mohammed bin Salman’s first visit to the White House since Jamal Khashoggi was killed seven years ago is my chance to finally seek justice, says his widow Hanan El-Atr Khashoggi

Jamal’s murder has caused me to lose everything – not only the love of my life, but also my livelihood, my personal security, and contact with my extended family. Sometimes, whenever I smell cigar smoke wafting in the air, it reminds me of him, and for a brief moment, I can believe he is still alive. Grief has a funny way of sneaking up on you, but sometimes it slaps you in the face.

I want the world to know that Jamal was more than a journalist. He was my loving husband, a proud father of four, and a doting grandfather of three. Family meant the world to him, and that is what attracted me to him when we first met in 2009. We kept in touch over the years and constantly spoke about family and current events in the Arab world.

After he invited me to his 59th birthday party in March 2018, he professed his love for me. Surrounded by 20 of his closest friends, we celebrated at a restaurant in the Washington, DC area. When he asked me to marry him, it was an easy decision. We had a beautiful June wedding ceremony in Alexandria, Virginia, and settled in at our home in Tyson’s Corner, Virginia.

We were happy living in the United States, but also discussed living in Istanbul, Turkey, closer to our families and where Jamal intended to purchase an apartment for us. He explained that he could easily obtain Turkish citizenship if he purchased property there, and in light of his expiring Saudi passport, this would provide him the needed travel documents, personal security and health insurance he so desperately needed.

But our future plans were crushed on 2 October 2018, when I awoke to the horrible news that Jamal was missing. I frantically called his cell phone numerous times, but he did not pick up. I called Jamal’s children to see if they had any more information. I called everyone I knew, desperately pleading for information about my husband. As the hours, days and weeks wore on, it became readily apparent to me that Jamal was never coming back.

Jamal, a journalist who wrote for the Washington Post, was killed by Saudi agents, his body dismembered inside the nation’s consulate in Istanbul. He was never seen leaving the building, his body never found. We had only been married four months.

I never found closure. My grief was compounded in 2021, when I was informed by Citizen Lab, the internet watchdog, and his former colleagues at the Washington Post, that my devices showed signs of having been targeted with Pegasus, spyware developed by the Israeli cyber-arms company NSO Group.

I was heartbroken to discover that my devices had been compromised. When Jamal and I discussed our future travel plans, who was listening in on us? Is this how they seemed to know his every movement and travel plans?

‘I want the world to know that Jamal was more than a journalist. He was my loving husband, a proud father of four, and a doting grandfather of three’ (Hanan El-Atr Khashoggi)

I am now certain that Jamal’s phones had also been compromised by spyware – which is why I have asked for Turkish president Recep Tayyip Erdoğan to return his cellphones and laptops, along with his other personal belongings. As his widow, I have the right to know if his devices were indeed infected.

When the Saudi Crown Prince arrives in Washington today, I want him to know that we have unfinished business. As well as some real accountability for the men who murdered my husband, I would like to recover the remains of my husband so that I may have an appropriate religious burial ceremony.

While the crown prince’s bilateral talks with President Trump will doubtless focus on political ties and arms sales, I am determined to use the occasion to seek justice for me and my husband.

I also demand my rightful compensation as his widow. The crown prince clearly stated in a 60 Minutes interview in 2019 that, as the de facto leader of Saudi Arabia, he takes “full responsibility [for the murder of Jamal Khashoggi]… especially since it was committed by individuals working for the Saudi government”. A settlement will be a goodwill gesture by their government to finally implement accountability towards me and my husband, and to once and for all finally resolve this issue.

As the “Peace President”, I believe Donald Trump has the power to help negotiate a final settlement for me. He is the only person who is in a position to convince the crown prince to seek real accountability for the men who murdered my husband, and to release all remaining Saudi political prisoners.

In memory of my dear husband Jamal, who gave his life for the freedom to speak, I hope President Trump will hear this widow’s plea.