Who can blame McCain for not having the Trumps at his funeral? I know how I’d do mine

I always leave a funeral thinking it could have benefitted from better music, glitzier decor and a more interesting guest list

Senator John McCain’s death is being marked with a series of public events. This Saturday his coffin will travel in a public procession to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, and then on to the final funeral in Washington Cathedral, which will be streamed live, but attendance is strictly invitation only.

Not surprisingly, Donald Trump – the oaf who couldn’t decide whether to raise or lower flags out of respect to a war hero and senior statesman – is not on the guest list. Neither is Sarah Palin, McCain’s former running mate.

I am sure he enjoyed making these decisions, and who can blame him? Funerals always bring out a motley crowd, some of whom the deceased couldn’t stand but never plucked up the courage to edit from their lives. Gawkers and distant relatives who you haven’t seen in 30 years who slide up and proudly announce: “You’ll be next!”

I always leave a funeral thinking it could have benefitted from better music, glitzier decor and a more interesting guest list. My solution is simple: after I’ve drawn my last breath, the body will go straight to a crematorium and be incinerated. I will leave money and plans for a big celebration, and the guest list will be placed in the hands of a trusted friend known for their excessive life style. I promise to supply great food, wine and music. Guests can smoke, snort, trample on or drink my ashes – as long as they have a blast.