It’s possible to be worried about Kim and Kanye at the same time — even if they’re problematic

Too many people are quick to say ‘I don’t like Kim, but’ on social media right now, reinforcing the idea that a victim of abuse should be perfect and unproblematic to access support. Equally, the way people are speaking about Kanye’s bipolar diagnosis has become unacceptable

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In recent weeks, 44-year-old rapper Kanye West has ramped up his public campaign to reconcile with his wife, Kim Kardashian. West, who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2017, has struggled with his mental illness for many years, all with the eyes of the world upon him. He’s displayed erratic behavior on social media, run an ill-advised campaign for president of the United States, and made rambling, offensive comments about slavery and abortion during rallies and concerts.

His pattern of unstable behavior has continued and is now deeply affecting his estranged wife, Kardashian. From what Kanye has posted on social media, it seems clear that Kardashian is facing unwanted attention and public coercion from West, a pattern of behavior that can be part of emotional abuse and harassment.

This must be an incredibly stressful and frightening time for Kardashian, who has pleaded with the public to show compassion for West’s bipolar disorder symptoms in the recent past. It’s also clear that this is a distressing time for West, whose erratic behavior and pattern of going off his medication — a common symptom of bipolar disorder — appears to worsen his public spirals.

After months of public disagreements with his wife and her family, during which West accused them of trying to commit him to a mental institution, Kardashian filed for divorce from West in February 2021, citing “irreconcilable differences.” The couple seemed to be handling the split well until rumors circulated that Kardashian was dating comedian Pete Davidson. After this, West began to declare his intentions to get Kardashian back, saying that “God” would bring them back together, claiming that he’d “never even seen” the divorce papers.

For her part, Kardashian — who shares four children, North, 8; Saint, 6; Chicago, 4; and Psalm, 2, with West — has remained clear in her intentions to start a life without West, declaring herself “legally single” in December of 2021 and stating in formal documents that “no counseling or reconciliation effort” would fix their marriage.

“For so long, I did what made other people happy,” 41-year-old Kardashian told Vogue in a recent cover story. “And I think in the last two years I decided, I’m going to make myself happy. And that feels really good. And even if that created changes and caused my divorce, I think it’s important to be honest with yourself about what really makes you happy. I’ve chosen myself. I think it’s okay to choose you.”

But West has made it difficult for Kardashian to move on. He has reportedly spread rumors that Davidson has AIDS and has threatened physical violence against him on Instagram, despite Kardashian’s alleged pleas via text for him to diffuse the situation before someone hurt Davidson. On February 15, West posted an apology to Kim and the public on his Instagram after deleting all other posts. “I’m working on my communication. I can benefit from a team of creative professionals, organizers, mobilizers and community leaders. Thank everybody for supporting me,” he wrote. Referencing posts that appeared to feature screenshots of his alleged text exchanges with Kardashian, West added, “I know sharing screen shots was jarring and came off as harassing Kim. I take accountability. I’m still learning in real time. I don’t have all the answers. To be good leader is to be a good listener.”

Two days later, West deleted his apology and posted a three year-old video of Davidson joking in an SNL sketch that Kanye should take his meds. “Being mentally ill is not an excuse to be a jackass,” Davidson says in the 2019 clip. In the caption, West wrote: “This boy thought he could get away with performing this sketch for the team that wrote this for him This is not harassment This is payback.”

To encourage support of survivors of harassment and coercion, it’s important to support Kim Kardashian publicly. And while Kardashian has made many missteps regarding race, it’s not necessary to preface opposition to her being harassed with qualifiers. There’s presently a glut of “I don’t like Kim, but” content across social media. The phrase is currently trending on Twitter. As one example, actress and creator of the Say Your Mind podcast Kelechi Okafor tweeted: “I feel no affinity towards Kim Kardashian in the slightest. However I feel that the way that Kanye is posting/talking about her is extremely harmful.” She continued by saying: “Choosing my words carefully because I don’t want my dislike of an individual and their appropriation of aspects of Black womanhood to detract from the individual and systemic harm their ex partner represents.”

While I understand where Okafor is coming from, I also want to point out how it applies the wrong framework towards harassment. When an individual is being harmed, the focus should be on naming and standing up against the harm they’re experiencing. Bringing up that person’s past or current wrongs, or their likability, introduces the possibility that one can support the harassment and abuse of another person just as long as they’re problematic enough.

Thousands of people are feeling the need to proclaim their dislike of Kardashian before speaking out against West’s harassment of her. This distracts from the main issue, but more importantly, it sends a message to other survivors that they must be without fault in order to receive support.

It is for the same reason that you shouldn’t qualify your support for Kardashian that people should recognize West is suffering from a genuinely debilitating illness. His behavior is unacceptable, but declaring that his mental illness isn’t an “excuse” for his behavior or that his behavior has “nothing to do” with being bipolar erases people with severe mental illness, who can exhibit socially unacceptable or even abusive behaviors as symptoms.

It’s an impossible tightrope to balance, and I don’t condemn anyone for struggling to learn how to have compassion for both Kardashian and West at the same time. But it’s a lesson well worth teaching ourselves.