Parenting forums like Mumsnet can ruin your life – is it any wonder women are terrified of childbirth?

With social media and the internet linking us to the world, there is always going to be someone who has experienced the worst

Social media is fuelling women's fear of pregnancy and childbirth (Shutterstock)

When I was pregnant, I was terrified that something would go wrong throughout my pregnancy and birth, but at the time had never heard of tocophobia – a fear of childbirth.

I spent much of the nine months on Google, trying to find out if what I was experiencing was normal – was my baby moving enough, or too much?

I recall being dissatisfied with what I found, with answers to the more obscure questions only available in forums on websites such as Mumsnet or Facebook. They nearly always predicted the worst, and this exacerbated my fear that it was all going to end horrifically.

So I wasn’t surprised when Catriona Jones, a lecturer in midwifery at the University of Hull, spoke out this week to say that social media is increasing women's fear of childbirth.

I believe this extends to all aspects of pregnancy and beyond, with social media increasing anxiety in general for new parents.

I became paranoid during my pregnancy. I couldn't relax. It wasn't the fear of actually giving birth that terrified me, but the thought of it all going wrong. With social media and the internet linking us to the world, there is always going to be someone who has experienced the worst. It’s these horror stories which are often shared – not those from women whose birth passed by without complications or drama.

When I was restless, anxious and couldn't sleep, the internet called out to me and it was too tempting not to search, hoping to settle my fears. But each time the opposite happened and I ended up in a state of panic, visualising a nightmare which was unlikely to ever happen.

Trying to find something positive to focus on rather than traumatising myself reading about births gone wrong, I joined a Facebook group offering advice on how to relax during birth and deliver with minimum pain relief. Women returned to the group after giving birth to share their stories of how wonderful and natural it was, how all they did was trust their body and their babies practically fell out. I began to feel confident that I could do the same and excited about the challenge.

All decisions were taken away from me when I was rushed into theatre to have my baby pulled out in a hurry. I felt like a failure. My body hadn't worked, I couldn't trust it to do the right thing – like all those other women.

However, I realised in hindsight that on a group promoting natural birth no one is going to share their story of how they needed all the drugs in the world to get through it. As a result, I had a distorted view of birth because of what I had read on social media – the concept of “failure” had arisen from pouring over stories shared by other women.

With time to reflect, I realised that by trusting my instincts and my body I had actually facilitated the safe delivery of my baby boy by insisting I went to hospital when I did.

However, the paranoia and fear didn’t end when I had given birth – it entered into a new world, one in which women compared their child rearing techniques instead. I remember being bombarded with relentless opinions from mums on social media sites such as Instagram and Twitter. I was exposed to other’s views daily as they popped up on my feeds, subconsciously entering my mind and making me question my instincts. They were all contradictory, making me confused about what to do for the best. I was questioning my developing parenting skills and became increasingly paranoid that there was something wrong with my son.

Obviously social media has its benefits. People can raise awareness of issues which we may otherwise have not known about. But it's wise to be mindful of how much value you place on the opinions of people you don't know. No matter what you read about other people's experiences, you are unlikely to change what happens to your own.