I'd quit smoking too if it meant four extra days of holiday – or at least, I'd pretend to

As good as this all sounds, I can’t help but question how honest people will be about their journey towards being nicotine-free

If I had a penny for every time some well-intentioned citizen has interrupted my four-times daily ritual of puffing away on a death stick with a spiel about how bad smoking is for you, I’d be a very rich woman. Alas, that’s not the way things work. But if compensation was part and parcel of the tuts, the condescension and judgement, I have a feeling my ears would prick up. A reward, you say? To stop smoking? It’s tempting. But how much exactly is enough to really convince tobacco addicts to stop?

An employer in Swindon may well have cracked the code. Don Bryden, managing director of recruitment agency KCJ Training and Employment Solutions and a fellow smoker, has taken measures to help people kick the habit. The incentive? Four extra days of holiday.

Inspired by businesses in Japan, the policy is supposed to be mutually beneficial to both employees and the employer, reclaiming the 16 days annually that 10-minute smoke breaks add up to, while tempting workers with paid leave. Non-smokers, who will no doubt welcome the news that fewer of their cigarette-dependent colleagues will take less “me” time in their designated workplace smoking areas, also stand to benefit.

As good as this all sounds, I can’t help but question the levels of trust this requires – namely, the idea that anyone who willingly signs up to this scheme will be completely honest about their journey towards being nicotine-free. What the recruitment company has failed to account for, is the smokers’ mastery of lying.

It’s a skill almost every smoker has refined in their lifetime: the sneaking around, a spritz of perfume here and there to mask the stale stench of smoke. I perfected my ability to hide my habit so well in my late teens that for a time, people could hardly detect it. Ever want to give off the impression that you’re not a dirty smoker? Slather fruity body cream all over yourself – it seemed to work a treat for me, until my mother discovered fag ends shoved down the sink. But if you’re careful, you might just be able to get away with it.

I can see it now. Cunning ciggie fiends all over the country feigning interest in a life with cleaner lungs and the ability to run for more than a minute without having a coughing fit, all while plotting an evil scheme to keep it all going.

“Just popping out for a meeting”, they’d offer, hoping for no follow-up questions. Five minutes later, they’d be at a new underground haunt, just far away enough that the non-smokers and line managers can’t find them, and right around the corner from a corner shop or chemist, in case they need a top-up of chewing gum, scented moisturiser or body spray.

It wouldn’t last long, of course. Smokers too often underestimate the sensitivity of the non-smoker nose – it can pick up anything. And paraphernalia – especially if you’re “team rollies” like me – is even harder to hide. Rogue filters would inevitably spill out of pockets; lighters would slip out of hands, clanging on hard floors and disappointing all those who believed in your dedication to kick the habit once and for all. Whether you manage to pull the wool over their eyes for a day or just shy of a year, the death knell of your dreams of four extra days away from the office would ring out eventually.

Yes, we could actually quit and save ourselves the anxiety of keeping up the charade – but where’s the fun in that? Having our cake and eating it has been an unofficial staple of the working smoker lifestyle since the world was convinced that tobacco was good for us. Why on earth would we give it up now?