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During the later years of this Parliament, I will be one of many MPs getting help with my fuel bills. Thank you, kind Chancellor, but the bribe is not generous enough to buy my vote - Kenneth Clarke, former chancellor, whose wife will be 60 three years from now

Unless this rocket man comes down in price, we will be taking a walk down the yellow brick road on this one - Andrew Giangolla, publisher's spokesman, on claims that Elton John's manager is seeking pounds 8m for his life story

I simply cannot believe that all those letters I have received pleading for the fox are written by people who understand that they are advocating, in practice, a means of killing which is slower, more painful, less certain than hunting - Michael Heseltine, who opposes the anti-hunting Bill

Prozac is the drug of choice for glum PC sentimentalists unable to face the spiritual deficiencies at the heart of their own decaying liberalism - Camille Paglia, US feminist icon

I will not be the last Tory MP to fall for a pretty woman and so it is no use party activists telling MPs to do up their trousers - Piers Merchant, ex-Conservative MP

I am not a womaniser - Gordon Brown, Chancellor of the Exchequer