Quotes of the week

If he was Chinese, he'd have the choice of exile or the bullet.

Hugo Young, 'Guardian' columnist, on John Major

He is a grovelling, cringing, truckling, bumsucking, backscratching, bootlicking, fawning, sycophantic, ingratiating, toadying, creeping Jesus, who should be removed from office at the first opportunity.

Robert Harris in the 'Spectator' on John Patten, who had said that he did not mind what anybody wrote about him

Sexist expression. Avoid using this phrase.

New American computer program, responding to any user typing the words 'I need to call the wife'

I don't argue. That's my trouble.

Owen Marriott, a south London footballer, jailed for attacking another player with a machete

The 18th century is perceived to be rather boring.

Professor John Bate, of Liverpool University, on why so many English literature students want to study Angela Carter

I, and many others, are convinced she married Fairfax-Lucy just for the fun of being called Lucy Lucy.

Anonymous 'Daily Mail' source, on Lady Lucinda Lambton