Quotes of the Week

This is a lesson in what it means

to be Western and civilised: we spent six hours discussing 1,100 tons of cod - Theodoros Pangalos, Greek minister, on the negotiations for Norway to join the EC.

It's no good fucking crying - I've got no sympathy. Don't cry on me - Christopher Dean to Jayne Torvill, revealing a less harmonious partnership in a BBC documentary to be shown this week.

Women are complex creatures but I can read them like a book - the only trouble is I keep losing my place - Sir Antony Buck, ex-husband of Bienvenida, who seems to have whipped the book away.

I am surprised they are not talking of doing without the Armed Forces altogether - and hiring Securicor or Group Four - Field Marshal Lord Bramall, former Chief of Staff.

Of course I bloody don't. I don't have the time - The Prince of Wales, asked if he spoke Japanese and Chinese after advocating others should learn these languages.