The Top 10: Compound Names in Which Every Word is Untrue

From the Bayeux Tapestry to the Holy Roman Empire and the Socialist Workers Party

This started with Vincent Carroll, who drew my attention to a rare Question To Which The Answer Is Yes, a poster for an SWP rally asking, “Is socialism possible?” Although I said the SWP had nothing to do with socialism. Which prompted Adam Gray and Andrew Denny to suggest this list.

1. Socialist Workers Party. It isn’t even registered with the Electoral Commission, reported Adam Gray. It doesn’t contest elections under its own name: it supports candidates under other labels.

2. Holy Roman Empire. One of the few genuine Voltaire quotations on the internet: “This agglomeration … was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire.”

3. Carphone Warehouse.

4. New Scotland Yard. “Not new, and not in Scotland Yard,” says Dinah Rose. Nor is it in Scotland. Or in a yard.

5. Eurovision Song Contest. Mark Bassett was first with this one.

6. Lord Privy Seal. The incumbent, Tina Stowell, is a member of the House of Lords, but she isn’t a lord and the holder of the office doesn’t even have to be a peer. Ernest Bevin, who held it as an MP, said he was “neither a Lord, nor a Privy, nor a Seal”. Thanks to Tom Graham. ‏

7. Fundamental Theorem of Algebra. “When I was a mathematics undergraduate, a lecturer said it was not fundamental, not a theorem and nothing to do with algebra,” says Arthur Vause.

8. Criminal justice system. Nick Davies of The Guardian wrote: “It doesn’t catch many criminals, it doesn’t dispense much justice and it’s no kind of system at all.” Via Jamie Thunder.

9. Bayeux Tapestry (above). “Made in England, not Bayeux, and it’s embroidery, not tapestry,” says Alan Beattie.

10. “John Harvard, Founder, 1638”: inscription on the statue at Harvard University. No one knows what Harvard looked like (the statue was modelled by a resident of Concord in the 19th century); he wasn’t the founder (he left a small library to the existing school when he died in 1638); it was founded in 1636 and renamed after Harvard in 1639. Nominated by Xlibris1.

An honourable mention for Ben Dixon, who nominated Portuguese man o' war, which as everyone knows is a kind of jellyfish, and for Rob Harries-Harris, whose “English Civil War” was a valiant effort.

Next week: Dictionary of Notional Biography Entries, such as Sortie de Camions, the French 17th-century mystic

Coming soon: Conspiracy theories (after 46 per cent of Leave voters thought the referendum would be rigged and there was an online campaign to use pens rather than the pencils provided)

Your suggestions, and ideas for future Top 10s, in the comments please, or to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk. Listellany: A Miscellany of Very British Top Tens, From Politics to Pop, is available as an e-book for £3.79