The Top 10: Corny House Names

Contrived alternatives to humble numbers

(Jonathan Dunn)

This list was suggested by Jonathan Dunn, who proposed “Costa de Earth”, in Wootton, Northamptonshire, and supplied the above photo.

1. “It-L-Do.” 4RosesPete‏ said this is what the new owners called his first house, a small bungalow in Wellington, Somerset, after he sold it. “Wanted to knock on the door to demand ‘Wot-U-Playin-At’.”

2. “Toothacre.” Annie Shaw‏’s grandmother’s dentist’s house.

3. “Asda La Vista.” A house opposite an Asda supermarket in Manchester. Also from Annie Shaw.

4. “Cobwebs.” Completely Owned By Woolwich Equitable Building Society. Andrew Ruddle admits it is a bit dated now that Woolwich PLC is part of Barclays.

5. “Costa Lotta.” On a familiar theme, nominated by Bob Smith‏.

6. “Millstone.” Another from Bob Smith.

7. “Naeview.” Stuart Pollard lives in Portstewart, “a scenic seaside resort on the north coast of Ireland, where Ulster Scots is, ridiculously, a recognised language for political reasons. This house is near the promenade, where there are magnificent views across to Donegal. However, the house is up an alleyway, facing the other way from the prom.”

8. “Thisilldous.” West coast of Ireland. “Presumably the owners were a happy retired couple from Greece,” said Stuart Pollard.

9. “Me and ’er.” House boat name (as in “Meander”), along with “Sir T Fiable”, nominated by Bruce Napier.

10. “Bedside Manor.” Home to a couple, both doctors, known by Peter Elliott.

One of the finest articles written for The Independent on Sunday by David Randall was about the class divide in his childhood home of Worcester Park, a 1930s “Tudorbethan” suburb of outer south London:

“Our road, Edenfield Gardens, was the local Mason-Dixie line: on our side of the street, semis; on the other, detached. The detached homes had a certain type of name – ‘Tall Trees’, or ‘Hilltops’ – suggesting to the distant correspondent they commanded several choice Home Counties acres. (Another, ‘Pantiles’, was treasured by us, if only because we enjoyed removing the L from time to time.) Ours merely had a number, one of many signs that you had not quite ‘arrived’, others being net curtains, pebble-dash and garden gnomes.”

Next week: Unexpected middle names, real or fictional, such as John Ronald Reuel Tolkien

Coming soon: Index entries, such as, “Baldwin, Rt Hon Stanley ... confesses putting party before country,” in Winston Churchill’s Second World War memoirs.

Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk