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The Top 10: Embarrassing siblings

A league table of the most disownable brothers (and two sisters) in history

John Rentoul
Friday 24 March 2017 13:44 GMT
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Pauline Bonaparte: portrait by Marie Guilhelmine Benoist, 1808
Pauline Bonaparte: portrait by Marie Guilhelmine Benoist, 1808

An embarrassment of riches to choose from this week. Here are the 10 who made it through the rigorous selection process.

1. Albert Göring, anti-Nazi rescuer of Jews and younger brother of Hermann. Nominated by Xlibris1.

2. James II (and VII of Scotland). Last Roman Catholic king, whose brother Charles II said: “I am sure no man in England will take away my life to make you king.” Nominated by Brian Williams.

3. Bros. There is always one, and this week it is Momentum Haslemere.

4. Walter Kissinger. Younger brother of Henry. When Keith Kyle (Reporting the World) asked why he had no trace of his brother’s heavy German accent, he said: “I am the Kissinger who listens.” Thanks to Matthew Randall.

5. Billy Carter. Brother of Jimmy and good ol’ drinking boy. The people’s embarrassing sibling, with the most nominations (Lawrence Freedman was first).

6. ‏Pauline Bonaparte (above), with her reputation for “Bacchanalian promiscuity and selling duchies awarded her by Napoleon”, also proposed by Xlibris1‏.

7. John Amery. Brother of Julian, Conservative MP and cabinet minister. Son of Leo (“Speak for England!”) Amery, also Tory MP and cabinet minister. John confessed to treason and was hanged in 1945. Suggested by Robert Boston and Mr Memory.

8. Ed Miliband. Nominated by Gerri Peev.

9. Berenice IV, ruler of Egypt 57-55 BC. Reputed to have poisoned her older sister to seize the throne while her father, Ptolemy XII Auletes, was away. He re-took the throne and had her beheaded. When he died another sister, Cleopatra VII (the famous one), aged 18, and brother, Ptolemy XIII, aged 10, became joint monarchs. “Bet no-one has suggested that one yet,” said Alistair Wheate‏.

10. Piers Corbyn. Trump supporter and climate-change-doubting weather forecaster, nominated by Tom Doran‏. Or Jeremy, if not an embarrassment to Piers, possibly to the two older Corbyn brothers, Edward and Andrew (who died in 2001, according to Rosa Prince, author of Comrade Corbyn).

No room, then, for Roger Clinton, Terry Major-Ball, or Boris Johnson, without whom Rachel, Leo and Jo could have led blameless lives. Another fine historical one would have been Tostig Godwinson. Earl of Northumbria and brother of King Harold Godwinson, who exiled him. He then joined Harald Hardrada of Norway, who invaded in 1066 and was defeated at the Battle of Stamford Bridge, where Tostig was killed – an erudite contribution from Kate Maltby.

As Robert Wright‏ said: “You could make a case for nearly every royal sibling except Elizabeth II and maybe Prince William.” Nominations were indeed received for Princess Margaret (Paul Frame) and Edward VIII (Paul T Horgan).

I ruled out half-siblings, such as Malik Obama (Enis Koylu) and Lauren Booth (Citizen Sane). And fictional characters, such as Barry Mainwaring, the drunken charlatan and brother of patriotic home guard captain George Mainwaring (Robert Boston) and Cassandra, sister of Paris and Hector, to whom Apollo gave the gift of prophecy and the curse that no one would believe her (Graham Kirby‏).

Next week: More Twitter jokes

Coming soon: Famous people whose names are sentences, such as Britney Spears and Clive Staples Lewis

The e-book of Listellany: A Miscellany of Very British Top Tens, From Politics to Pop is just £3.79. Your suggestions, and ideas for future Top 10s, in the comments please, or to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk

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