The Top 10: more jokes

A collection of gems washed up on the internet’s sillier shores

What do you mean, ‘that’s not how it’s pronounced’? (@World_of_Moose)

As part of my plan to pretend to have a holiday, I am keeping up the tradition of leaving you in the company of social media’s finest 140-character wits at this time of rebirth and chocolate (no, I never will come to terms with Twitter’s increased character limit).

1. Customer: Why has your colleague got a larger plastic face covering than you? Shop assistant: That’s the supervisor. Glenny Rodge.

2. I find the hardest thing about tracing long lost relatives is getting them to stay still when you press the paper on to their face. Nick Motown.

3. The first rule of Hide a Vegetable in a Sentence Club is always be true to yourself. Glenny Rodge.

4. Some friends of ours run a yoga retreat, where you can go if you want to get away from yoga. Moose Allain.

Read more:

• The Top 10: Diminutive names that are most unlike the originals
• The Top 10: Words that don’t exist

5. Sorry I was late for geometry class, I got on the rhombus. Craig Deeley.

6. If you’re here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly queue (orderly orderly orderly queue). Moose Allain.

7. No more Suez Canal jokes! That ship has sailed. Dad Jokes.

8. I invented a new word… “Plagiarism”. Carlota.

9. Her head’s fallen off! Quick! Call an Annboleynce. Glenn Moore.

10. I put my phone in airplane mode and it tried to sell me a tiny can of Coke for £2. Craig Deeley.

Next week: Artists begrudging the creation that made them famous, such as Arthur Conan Doyle and Sherlock Holmes.

Coming soon: B-sides that should have been A-sides, starting with “Half the World Away”, by Oasis (B-side to “Whatever”, 1994).

Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk