The Top 10 Jokes

As is traditional at this time of the year, we offer a compilation of the best of those who put the wit in Twitter

John Rentoul
Friday 23 December 2022 11:47 GMT
Thanks to all the genii of the internet, and especially to Moose Allain
Thanks to all the genii of the internet, and especially to Moose Allain (Moose Allain)

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Louise Thomas

Louise Thomas


Thanks to all the genii of the internet, and especially to Moose Allain, who drew the cartoon above, which you can buy here.

1. Can’t quite decide whether I’d want a glass coffin or not. Remains to be seen. YesMissMurphy.

2. I’ve been a fan of gazpacho soup since before it was cool. Alf.

3. I came home last night to find all my possessions gone and a renaissance peasant landscape in their place. I think I might have been Breugeled. Geraint Griffith.

4. The Ottoman Empire was one of the more specialised offshoots of Furniture World. Moose Allain.

5. I told my friend that she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. Alex Deane.

6. I found out what a vanishing point is today and, well, it puts everything in perspective doesn’t it? Moose Allain.

7. Just thrown some bird seed on my lawn and now there are dozens of them out there which is amazing because I thought it would take ages for them to grow. Glenny Rodge.

8. The theory that stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked. Olaf Falafel.

9. Check to see if you like crime thrillers by holding a bitter cop under your chin. Moose Allain.

10. I’ve got a Benefits Of Brexit advent calendar – every day a door closes. Olaf Falafel.

Happy Christmas all.

Next week: Top 10 Top 10s of the year.

Coming soon: Songs with double negatives in the title, such as “Never gonna not dance again,” by P!nk.

Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to

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