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The Novel Cure: Literary prescriptions for being unable to find a cup of tea

 

Ella Berthoud,Susan Elderkin
Thursday 14 May 2015 00:55 BST
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Ailment: Unable to find a cup of tea

Cure: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

We all know the need for a good cup of tea. It traditionally hits at four o'clock; but for some it occurs immediately on waking, and then returns periodically throughout the day, offering as it does an opportunity to procrastinate while we wait for the kettle to boil. In an emergency, we reach for the teabags even before calling the ambulance. Luckily it's usually quite easy to make a brew. But what if there's no tea – or kettle – to hand? Reach instead for a copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, because your need – however great – cannot be greater than Arthur Dent's, after one particularly trying Thursday.

The day in question begins with Arthur prostrating himself before a bulldozer intent on demolishing his house. He's interrupted by his friend Ford Prefect – actually, an alien from another planet – who insists that Arthur accompany him to the pub, because the Earth is about to be destroyed, and it'd be better to be slightly sozzled. Moments before the explosion, they "hitchhike" onto a passing Vogon spaceship, where they're tortured with poetry but escape destruction a second time. This is when, still in his dressing gown and blearily watching a binary sunrise, Arthur feels a desperate need for a cup of tea. His struggle to find one involves telling a "Nutri-Matic Drinks Synthesiser" everything he knows about tea, from the history of the East India Company to silver teapots and the importance of putting the milk in first.

When the machine finally delivers – with three bone china cups and saucers on a little tray – it's the best Arthur has ever tasted. All of which will help get you through the interim between that fast gasp for a cuppa, and procuring it. And even if takes you several light years, at least you can drink it in the knowledge that the Earth hasn't been destroyed by aliens – yet.

thenovelcure.com

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