Alec and Hilaria Baldwin reveal actor’s PTSD from Rust shooting on new reality show

Hilaria reveals her husband asks himself: 'Why am I still here?' after death of Halyna Hutchins

Alec Baldwin and his wife Hilaria open up about the post-traumatic stress the actor suffered as a result of the accidental shooting on the set of Rust in the first episode of their new reality show The Baldwins.

The series was filmed in the lead-up to Baldwin’s involuntary manslaughter trial after the fatal shooting of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins. In July, the case was dismissed with prejudice based on the misconduct of police and prosecutors over the withholding of evidence from the defense. The prosecution will not be able to file charges against Baldwin again in Hutchins’ death.

In the season premiere of the new show, which airs on TLC on February 23, Baldwin says the situation is “surreal” while his wife describes his PTSD and survivor's guilt.

"Everyone who is close to Alec has seen his mental health decline," she says. "He was diagnosed with PTSD and he says, in his darkest moments, 'If an accident had to have happened on this day, why am I still here? Why couldn’t it be me?'"

Speaking directly to her husband, she says: "You wake up in the morning and you're like, 'Oh God, why did I have to wake up?' You’re so dark and it's so painful."

The 30 Rock actor responds: "My good friend said to me the other day, he said, 'How are you doing?' and I said, 'I'm happier when I'm asleep than when I'm awake.'"

Alec and Hilaria Baldwin in 'The Baldwins' (TLC)

He also tells Hilaria: "I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you and these kids going through this. I never would’ve made it with this. Sometimes I ask, 'Why did we have seven kids?' To help carry me and you through this situation."

Elsewhere in the episode, Hilaria hits back at the criticism she’s faced for her “fake” Spanish accent.

Back in 2020, Hilaria was accused of faking her Spanish heritage, prompting her to later confirm that while she was born in Boston — under the name Hillary Haward-Thomas — she spent a lot of her childhood in Spain, where her family still lives.

ADVERTISEMENT. If you sign up to this service we will earn commission. This revenue helps to fund journalism across The Independent.

ADVERTISEMENT. If you sign up to this service we will earn commission. This revenue helps to fund journalism across The Independent.

However, she’s now made it clear that she won’t let the controversy about her heritage get to her.

“I love English, I also love Spanish, and when I mix the two it doesn't make me inauthentic, and when I mix the two, that makes me normal,” she says while being interviewed for The Baldwins.

“I'd be lying if I said [the controversy] didn't make me sad and it didn't hurt and it didn't put me in dark places.”

The Baldwins airs on Sunday 23 February on TLC in the US and launches Monday 24 February on discovery+ in the UK & Ireland.