Sign up to Roisin O’Connor’s free weekly newsletter Now Hear This for the inside track on all things music Get our Now Hear This email for free
It’s a rare moment when Justin Bieber hits the headlines other than for being arrested.
So enjoy it while it lasts. If, you know, it’s possible to consider anything Bieber-related ‘enjoyable’ as such.
But the pop star and his ‘people’ made sure they threw fans a musical tit-bit before he handed himself in at a Toronto police station to face charges of allegedly assaulting a limo driver – his new video for “Confident” which features Chance The Rapper.
The answer, it seems, as to what he gets up to when he’s not (allegedly) drag racing, (allegedly) visiting brothels and (allegedly) punching people the face is this: he follows girls in ludicrously tight clothing through dimly lit convenience stores and then fails to get their phone numbers after the poorest attempt at a chat up line – a crisp-based chat up line at that – we’ve ever heard.
But the apple of Bieber’s eyes can’t resist his egg-throwing, saggy-panted charms for long, and after a few dance routines and a sweaty party in a car park somewhere, she finally concedes and gives him a smooch.
As for the song? We hate ourselves for admitting that we actually kind of like it, for all the twangy-hooked, early 2000s nostalgia it brings us. So, you know. We won’t. It’s rubbish. Judge for yourselves below. He’ll be sitting in a cell somewhere (probably) counting his millions of YouTube views regardless.
What got Bieber here in the first place? See his mishaps of 2013 below: Show all 17 1 /17Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs gets arrested for DUI and drag racing The singer appeared dishevelled, but in high spirits, as he smiled for his police mugshot following the arrest for drag racing under the influence of alcohol and drugs
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs assaults a limo driver Fresh from his arrest in the US, Biebs headed back to his native Canada where he proceeded to get arrested and charged again... this time for assaulting a limo driver
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs lashes out at a photographer When in London on tour in March, Bieber attacked the paparazzi in an angry rage and tried to grab one photographer's camera. 'I'll f***ing beat the f*** out of you,' he said, before being forced into a car by his bodyguard. Nice.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs claims Anne Frank was a Belieber This wildly inappropriate blunder took place in April, in the unlikely setting of the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam. After touring the museum for an hour, Bieber wrote in the guestbook that he hoped the Jewish teenager (who died in 1945 at Bergen-Belsen aged 15 from typhus and malnutrition after hiding from the Nazis with her family for two years) 'would have been a Belieber' - a fan of his.
Getty Images
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs gets done for drugs The 'Boyfriend' singer was detained at Brisbane airport in Australia in May after customs officials found weed on one of Justin's friends. Bieber was released after a stern warning for 'inappropriate language'. Wash your mouth out Biebs.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs brawls in Southampton Who do you think he is? Bieber was reportedly involved in a fight at a Southampton nightclub last spring after taking over the VIP section. His bodyguards were investigated for using heavy-handed tactics to detour fans trying to reach him.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs tries and fails to own a pet monkey Justin Bieber's former pet monkey Mally was moved from quarantine into a German zoo in June after the six-month-old capuchin was seized by customs officials. Bieber was given several weeks to produce the health papers required to get him back, but failed to do so. Auf wiedersehen, pet.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs spits on fans The singer was accused of spitting on a crowd of adoring fans gathered under his hotel room balcony in Toronto. The July incident was brushed aside by Bieber, however, who denied doing anything so horrible. His representative said that the star had in fact bought fans hot chocolate and played them some new music instead.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs splits from Selena Gomez After a three year on-off relationship with Disney star Selena, teenage heartthrob Bieber has officially been back on the singletons market since July. 'Egos turn me off big time,' Selena said when asked about the split. Awkward.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs hits the brothel Bieber was filmed by a Brazilian girl in bed after a supposed brothel scandal in the summer. He was then pictured trying to leave, draped in a white sheet and surrounded by male minders. The singer allegedly did the same thing again in Rio de Janeiro in November.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs pretends to have been cast in a blockbuster In September, the pop star posted an Instagram picture of the script for the new Batman movie. Watermarked with his name, rumours that he could be the Robin to Ben Affleck's lead began to fly. Bieber has previously expressed his love of the superhero, going as far as having a custom-built Batmobile made for him. Fear not though, Biebs will be nowhere near the film set.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs wees in a bucket When a Bieber's got to go, a Bieber's got to go. The singer urinated in a restaurant mop bucket while laughing when in New York in October. He yelled 'F*** Bill Clinton' too, as apparently he has political views.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs vandalises Australia The singer was asked to clean up graffiti he spray-painted while on tour in Australia last November. He painted some images of cartoon characters onto a Gold Coast hotel wall,to the disgust of the local mayor. Bieber was visiting the famous beach strip following his 'Believe' world tour shows in Brisbane.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs takes a paternity test A lady called Mariah Yeater claimed that Bieber had fathered her 3-month-old son Trystan after a backstage tryst. She later dropped a paternity suit but the singer took a test in November to prove the allegations were false.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs hit by a bottle in Brazil Also in November, the Canadian pop star was struck by a bottle and stormed off stage in Brazil. Bieber upset hundreds of devoted fans when he did not return to sing his hit track 'Baby'. Teenagers were left waiting 30 minutes for the 19-year-old's return, but had to leave when his entourage started packing the equipment away.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs leaves the stage early again The singer left a performance in Buenos Aires early again, soon after he stormed off in Brazil. This time, he blamed food poisoning for his premature exit, offering an olive branch of evidence in the form of a selfie posted on Twitter showing him lying in a hospital bed hooked up to an intravenous drip.
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps Biebs gets shunned by Aussie fans Twitter followers mean little when you can't shift tickets down-under. Biebs found this out the hard way when he was forced to sell many tickets for his eight-show Australian tour for half their original price. Haters gonna hate Biebs, America still loves you.
Join our commenting forum
Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies