Poetic licence Martin Newell Despite a strong bill of poets and pop stars, the much publicised Albert Hall Poetry Olympics held on Saturday only filled 500 of its 5000 seats. A poet sympathises.

Come in. The water's lovely How keen? They go berserk Five hundred people grooving To sixty poets' work Now by my calculations And knowing Spoken Word Each poet's ration here is Eight punters and a third

As any poet will tell you A score like this is great Two men with beards, a schoolgirl, The barman's dodgy mate The bloke who drove you up here Some nutcase who's obsessed Two tourists and their collie Why should you be depressed?

Now try me and convict me Then hang me for a jade But when you bowl the public A poetry grenade Remember that the English Prefer their poets dead Then book your acts by seance