There's no denying the high entertainment value of watching celebrities run around London like headless chickens in the name of charity.
The latest crop of Celebrity Apprentice candidates, assembled in the name of Comic Relief, is a motley crew of teammates: there are presenters (Rylan Clark-Neal, Good Morning Britain's Richard Arnold), TV personalities (Amanda Holden, Ayda Field) and comedians (Omid Djalili, Russell Kane). Lord Sugar's even thrown in a football manager for good measure (Sam Allardyce).
Divided into two teams, the episode saw them put on their own cabaret shows, calling upon celebrity pals to either donate, perform or provide gifts for auction. The ensuing 60 minutes was crystalline proof that celebrities are just as useless as the general public.
These are the five biggest talking points.
Lord Sugar’s barbs
You can tell Lord Sugar was salivating at the prospect of being presented with an assortment of celebrities to skewer and he wasted no time. Not two minutes had passed and he was calling Robbie Williams’s wife Ayda the singer's carer, asking Boris Johnson’s sister Rachel whether she was ‘desperate to be PM like her brother” and telling EastEnders star Tameka Empson that he tunes to “to remind [me] of what a happy-go-lucky man I am.” They’d almost be funny if it didn’t feel like he’d been rehearsing them in front of a mirror the night before.
After leaving the boardroom, Ayda calls her husband Robbie to see if he’ll perform at their charity event the following evening, although she may as well have been at gunpoint the way her fellow team members were circling her. Ever the showman, Robbie obliges – not before asking if his marriage depended on it, mind (it did). By the end of the episode, Williams is leading a crowd at London's Café De Paris in a chorus of “Angels”. We’re sure Claude Littner was singing along loud and clear.
Kelly vs Rylan
Hell hath no fury like a Dragon’s Den star scorned. As the remainder of the celebrities attempts to pull in favours from everyone ranging from Simon Webbe to, er, Cher, project managers Kelly Hoppen and the actually really shrewd Rylan Clark-Neal lock heads over the items they want for their respective cabaret shows. Hoppen doesn’t see Clark coming; he somehow ends up bartering her into spending hundreds of pounds for a trapeze artist she doesn’t want. Her reaction? To go for a lie-down. Can't blame her, really.
Among the episode’s biggest joys is seeing Sam Allardyce wondering how he’s gone from England football manager to being managed by an ex-X Factor contestant. After strolling in late due to a delayed flight home from Cannes (“That’s the first time you got into Europe in your career,” quips Lord Sugar), Big Sam spends the episode knocking up some pretty sketchy looking canapés and pushing Russell Kane around Sainsbury’s in a trolley. “Today has been a bit of a personal ordeal,” he tells the camera in between scouring the aisles for cream cheese and caviar.
With no acts booked, comedian Omid Djalili makes what he believes to be an inspired booking of "one of the most famous acts in the history of comedy" - The Greatest Show on Legs, which turns out to be a trio of naked men holding balloons over their bits. With a man down, Omid steps in just as the crowd are tucking into the snacks on offer, no doubt rendering Sam and Russell's earlier supermarket excursion completely pointless. Unsurprisingly, it goes down like a lead balloon. "One thing we've learned is that's not an opening act," Djalili solemnly declares after. Gotta respect a trier.
Celebrity Apprentice for Comic Relief concludes tomorrow night on BBC1 at 9pm
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