Weekly Muse

"Forget the Sixties," says Prince Charles.

I do, but not entirely so.

A ghost still walks the battlements

Of castles that I used to know

And, leering, leads me by the ear

To one carbuncle where I went -

A London comprehensive school,

All concrete pillars, glass, cement,

With covered way, which to this day

I still remember for the chill

When icy winter winds whipped through

To make the waiting children ill

And freeze their legs to mottled pegs

And peck the ears and chafe them raw

While girls in skirts and boys in shirts

Too thin, cursed, shivering, by the door.

The architect, warm at his desk,

Had obviously done his best

To make this funnel for the wind

To wield its scythe from east to west.

Three decades on, a law case looms.

The trouser ban: a mother fights

Some antiquated dress-code rule

Insisting girls wear skirts and tights.

Perhaps the governors of the school,

Themselves in regulation skirts,

Should hold their meetings in the cold

Until they see how much it hurts.

"Forget the Sixties," says Prince Charles,

That spangled psychedelic haze

Of sex and drugs and groovy scenes.

Well, he should know about those days:

The soldiers' tunics, coloured robes,

The wacky gear he used to wear,

Those hunting pinks and riding hats -

He absolutely didn't care!

This Thursday's Indie, on page four,

Claimed socks in bed may help you sleep.

I flirted with this concept once

And thought about it long and deep.

Extensive research tells us though,

Traditionally it's bad for sex.

And backing up my findings here,

A woman friend (who's now my ex).

A business trip to foreign climes

Reportedly endangers life.

We live in such precarious times,

With kidnapping and murder rife,

That many are the countries now

Where danger dogs the traveller's trip.

In spite of this, we doughty Brits

Set out with hope on plane or ship

And go wherever commerce calls

To meet with danger, unimpressed.

If Virgin trains can't break a man,

What chance have any of the rest?

Another day, another lecture.

What is it this time? Architecture?

"All right, all right," the writer snarls.

I heard you once. I'm doing my best.

It's just... Ken Kesey's Acid Test

Came rolling back to town of late

And now the buildings all look great.