Silencing the hecklers: what every stand-up should know

When the beer starts flying, it is the essential weapon in every stand-up comic's armour: a laser-guided put-down guaranteed to turn the mob's fury against the smart-arse heckler.

Stand-up is a primeval battle, argues Rufus Hound (pictured), the comedian and television presenter. "The instinct that makes stags lock antlers is the same one that makes some drunken twit in the back row shout at the comedian on stage," he claims. "Someone is trying to topple you and anoint themselves king of the room."

To assist fellow comics in the war against interruption, Hound has compiled a book, Stand Up Put Downs, which sets out his eight rules to ensure the psychological destruction of audience tormentors.

For Hound, the tools of the trade are not those of precision but of "blunt-force trauma". He says: "If you're going to start a fight, you're going to get punched back harder (metaphorically): it's the law of the playground. If I've got a line about your family, face, appearance and odour, so much the better." The aim is to inspire a sense of "I'm so glad that wasn't me" in the rest of the crowd.

But not everyone needs a "zinger" to see off hecklers. Mark Steel, the comic i columnist, said: "It's a complete myth that the comedians have a list of brilliant, witty lines things to come back with. It's more about being confident and looking in control of the situation." Steel, who survived audiences of rowdy Millwall fans at The Tunnel Club in Greenwich, said: "I don't think it works to attack someone's appearance. You've got to make the audience think: 'We do want to hear what you've got to say'."

Milton Jones, king of the surreal one-liner, once dealt with a heckler by asking: "So, where do you live? Okay. Why do you live?" Jones said: "Rather than have a pre-prepared bullet, the best way is to turn something the heckler said against them.

"I point out their lack of logic and try and get behind the pain of the person who shouted out. If something was really funny then say so. They're unlikely to keep it up all night."