Delights behind the windows of Boris’s advent calendar

The prime minister will be in for a few little surprises if all goes according to Sean O’Grady’s forecasts

(AP/PA/Getty)

At this special time of year many of us will turn excitedly, as each brave new day dawns, to our advent calendar, opening the windows day-by-day to discover what prayer, novelty toy or tiny chocolate treat lies behind the cardboard flap. Such a lovely tradition. For Boris Johnson, though, the next few days and weeks will be far from merry; it will be a political advent calendar from hell. With a little poetic licence, let’s see what might lie ahead for the people’s prime minister in the run up to Christmas and beyond.

Tuesday 14 December: Cooey! It’s Steve Baker, David Davis and John Redwood leering out of the window, celebrating the worst parliamentary defeat in Johnson’s premiership. Who knows how many disgruntled Tory MPs will rebel, take the opportunity of a free hit and vote against the various plan B measures? It’s not a vote of confidence, so there’s no chance of the government falling, and, though humiliating for him, Johnson will easily win the votes with Labour support. But his impressive Commons working majority of about 80 will be turned upside down. It will be proof, were it needed, of his lack of authority over his own parliamentary party, many of whom now believe him to be hopelessly incompetent, socialistic or both. It also suggests he’ll need even more opposition help if he has to enforce more stringent rules or – dread the thought – a new lockdown. Labour has also made threatening noises about not backing mandatory vaccination.

Wednesday 15 December: Prime Minister’s Questions. Most of these matches are now easily won by Keir Starmer, who has at last developed a lighter touch and a little wit in his “forensic” questioning. Johnson has a catch-all answer to any “partygate” questions, which is that the cabinet secretary is looking into everything and he can’t add anything to that. He will also belittle Starmer for being “captain hindsight” and so devoted to trivia that he can’t bring himself to support the booster programme. If he’s desperate, he’ll throw in the usual jibe about the EU Medicines Agency. It’s all a bit Archie Rice, though. It’ll be infesting to see whether his backbenchers show up.