Am I Starbucks’ most conservative customer?

While others order hazel Frappuccinos and exotic tisanes, Will Gore worries about the radicalism of a mocha

When someone asked for a ‘hazelnut frap with oat milk’ I couldn’t help but think that Squirrel Nutkin would approve (Getty)

I came to coffee quite late. When I was very small, my mother and I would stop for “middle mornings” (never “elevenses”), which would be a custard cream and squash for me, and a custard cream and coffee for her. Of course, the coffee was from a jar, it being the mid-Eighties: it smelled exotic, but I certainly never wanted to try it.

Nescafé was probably reaching its zenith then: modern, chic – and thanks to those famous TV ads featuring the “Gold Blend couple”, much sexier than I could possibly have understood till rather later. So synonymous had the brand become with the product, that in those days adults were as likely to offer each other a “Nescafé” as a “coffee”. I don’t think it was a euphemism.

Well into my teens, all hot drinks bar a steaming Ribena or hot chocolate were anathema. Only when I went off to university did I realise that this put me at a modest social disadvantage, as other freshers bonded over endless cuppas. Yet still I remained impervious to the charms of these strange brews.