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What is the 90-day dinner mental health trend?

Perspective technique is ‘the antidote to a funk’, says TikToker

Brittany Miller
New York
Wednesday 07 February 2024 17:19 GMT
Related: Prince William and Lady Gaga discuss mental health

A woman has gone viral for her mental health trick.

Becca Havian recently took to TikTok to share a concept that she learned through friends which is called a 90-day dinner. “It’s the antidote to a funk,” she captioned her video.

“If one of us is feeling in a funk, if something really sh**y happened, if we find ourselves in a breakup or lost our job or it doesn’t even have to be that; it could be general anxiety or a feeling of stuckness, we can call a 90-Day Dinner,” she explained.

The person would then text their group chat asking for one of these 90-day dinners and a dinner would be scheduled for around three months, or 90 days, after asking for one. The goal of these dinners is to “provide perspective”.

When the dinner is first scheduled, the situation is assumed to appear pretty bleak and the assumption is that things will have gotten better by the time the dinner rolls around.

“If you’re going through a breakup, in all likelihood, you’re probably still going to feel some type of way about the breakup; it’s not going to be night and day,” Havian explained.

“But there will always be some kind of shift. Either you’ll be able to see it from a new angle, there will be new information presented in that time, or maybe another part of your life has begun to go really well, so you feel a little removed from the intensity of the feelings you had when you called the 90-Day.”

The TikToker added the dinner is an opportunity to see how your feelings have changed and to shed the idea that you will feel the same way forever.

Havian explained that it can also be interesting to see how people perceive the 90-day time period because the answers vary based on whether or not they view the time as long or short.

The beauty of the dinner is that you don’t necessarily need to have a big friend group to have one, or even local friends because the dinner can be done with a family member or virtually. “That experience of having at least one person who is clued into a challenge in your life and can help you recognise the growth that occurs in those 90 days is so beautiful," Havian said.

“And I think loneliness is an epidemic in this country, perhaps the whole world, and what a lovely thing to have that sense of companionship in a hard time.”

Soon after posting, her video went on to receive over one million views, with many people going on to leave comments about how much they loved the concept.

“Therapist here… SO GOOD on so many levels. Couldn’t possibly fit all the positives in this tiny box. Go girls!!!” one comment read.

Another agreed, writing, “Shared this with a friend, and because of that, learned she’s going through a hard time. Scheduled our first 90 day din. Thank you for sharing!”

Some commenters provided other variations of the 90-day dinner. “I feel like even scheduling a 90 day dinner with yourself and getting the notif. like oh! It’s time to check in on myself + get my fav meal + reflect,” one commenter suggested.

“I feel like there should be a dinner now AND in 90 days so that they get perspective still but also support in the meantime,” another suggestion in the comments read.

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