Dominic Cummings quip voted Christmas cracker joke of the year

List also features jokes about Zoom, reindeer and self-isolation

Olivia Petter
Tuesday 08 December 2020 09:33 GMT
(Getty Images)

Support truly
independent journalism

Our mission is to deliver unbiased, fact-based reporting that holds power to account and exposes the truth.

Whether $5 or $50, every contribution counts.

Support us to deliver journalism without an agenda.

Louise Thomas

Louise Thomas


A gag about Dominic Cummings has topped the list of the best Christmas cracker jokes for 2020.

Now in its eighth year, the TV channel Gold’s national competition for Christmas cracker jokes sees entrants come up with the best and most topical jokes, which are then shortlisted by a panel of judges led by comedy critic Bruce Dessau.

The shortlist is then put to a public vote of 2,000 adults.

Now, the winning jokes have been revealed, and in the top spot is a joke about former Downing Street political aide Cummings, with a punchline taken from the title of a famous Chris Rea song.

The joke states: “What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas.”

The gag refers to when the former chief adviser to Boris Johnson famously drove from London to Durham at the start of the UK’s national lockdown in April.

Cummings stepped down from his role at Number 10 last month.

The rest of the list is made up of jokes about other key features of the coronavirus pandemic, including self-isolation, travel restrictions, and video calling.

In the runner-up spot is a joke about self-isolation: “Did you hear that production was down at Santa's workshop? Many of his workers have had to elf isolate.”

Another joke on the list riffs on the three-tiered system the government has implemented in England.

“Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have," the jokes states.

Speaking about the competition, Mr Dessau commented: "Amongst one of the strangest and most turbulent years yet, we can always rely on British humour to pull us through.

"With subjects ranging from Zoom and self-isolation to Boris Johnson and Dominic Cummings, there are jokes here to tickle everyone after a challenging year."

Here’s the full list of Gold’s top 20 Christmas cracker jokes for 2020:

1. What is Dominic Cummings' favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas.

2. Did you hear that production was down at Santa's workshop? Many of his workers have had to elf isolate.

3. Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled.

4. Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity.

5. Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen.

6. Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? Because eventually, it's behind you.

7. Why couldn't Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn.

8. Why can't Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn't know how many tiers it should have.

9. What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread.

10. Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? Home Alone.

11. How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly? Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail.

12. Why won't Santa lose any presents this year? He's downloaded Sack and Trace.

13. How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas? It'll take ages to flatten the curve.

14. How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year? Fine. No sweat.

15. Why wasn't Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials? Because they only wanted guinea pigs.

16. Which Government scheme supports Christmas dinner? Eat Sprout To Help Out.

17. How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year's staff Christmas party? Put him on mute.

18. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited? He keeps a logbook.

19. Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas? Marcus Rashford.

20. Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem? Because they couldn't book a home delivery.

Join our commenting forum

Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies


Thank you for registering

Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in