A jewellery designer has sparked a debate after sharing her opinion that engagement rings should not be a surprise, but rather designed or chosen by a couple together.
“This is a message for everyone who will propose one day… the ring should not be a surprise,” Wright said. “But, how and when you propose should be a surprise.”
The video, which has since been viewed more than 896,000 times, has proved divisive on TikTok, where some viewers have agreed with Wright while others have adamantly disagreed with the opinion.
“I agree. I want it to be exactly my style since I’ll be wearing it forever,” one person wrote. “He thinks I look better in silver and I just can’t agree.”
Another person agreed because they noted that they want their engagement ring to be a “very specific ring design,” which will “need to be custom”.
“Not some random ring that a bunch of women have tried on before,” they added.
Someone else revealed that their partner had proposed, and then let them pick out the ring afterwards, a method they said they were “so glad” about.
“My husband proposed and then let me pick out the ring and I’m so glad he did,” they wrote.
According to another woman, her husband proposed with a solitaire setting and chose the stone, but the rest of the ring’s design was decided together after she accepted the proposal.
The comment prompted praise from Wright, who wrote: “Absolutely LOVE this approach! So creative!”
One viewer even went as far as to describe the idea of proposing without allowing one’s partner a chance to share input into the ring “reckless,” as they noted that the piece of jewellery is often expensive and is meant to be worn forever.
“This!!! Dropping thousands on a ring (that she has to wear for her whole life) without making sure it’s her dream ring is reckless,” they wrote.
However, while many revealed that they agreed with the jewellery designer, others said that they would prefer for their engagement ring to be a surprise, or at least partially so.
“Don’t agree here. I wanted the ring to be a surprise and so did he. My best friend knew my style and he went shopping with her,” one person commented.
Another said: “The surprise is the best part. Given he has guidance on what to and what not to get.”
Someone else revealed that they wanted their ring to be a surprise because it was more important to them that their partner had chosen something they thought would look “beautiful on me”.
“Weird, I WANTED my ring to be a surprise,” they wrote. “It was more important that he picked something he thought would look beautiful on me, that made it special.”
As for why Wright believes a couple should work together to pick or create an engagement ring, she told BuzzFeed that every time she’s worked with a couple to create an engagement ring, she has asked the recipient of the ring whether they’ve wanted to be part of the design process, and nearly every time they have said yes.
“Almost every time, it’s been a ‘yes,’ and I’ve never had a couple be upset with the output of the ring,” she said.
For individuals who don’t want to be part of the design process, she said she hopes they still offer some hints to their partners about what they want.
“As the receiver, I hope that you’ve been able to share: ‘These are the kind of things that I like,’ or, ‘Here’s a few ideas for inspiration.’ Whether you’re a part of the design process itself, or whether you leave your partner with those notes and allow them to go, I do hope that the recipient has input on the very special piece of jewelry that they’ll be wearing indefinitely,” she said.
Wright elaborated on additional ways individuals can share their engagement ring preferences without ruining the final surprise in a follow-up TikTok, in which she explained that design lookbooks can be helpful. She also suggested couples work together on some aspects of the ring, such as the setting, while leaving the stone a surprise.
The Independent has contacted Wright for comment.
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