Asda bosses will rue dumping Coleen for glamorous Carla

Proof that Asda is run by people who haven't learnt the first rule of dating: never try your luck with anyone hotter than you. Last week an Asda spokesman confirmed that it has dropped Coleen McLoughlin as the face of its George clothing range and is choosing a replacement. "Among the names being considered is Carla Bruni," he revealed. "She's very attractive and a highly stylish person. We feel she would fit in very well with the George look."

That reads as if Wayne Rooney released the statement: "I have dumped Coleen and am choosing a replacement. Among the names being considered are Gwyneth Paltrow."

Coleen McLoughlin was signed up as a perfect girl-next-door, but Asda bosses were cross at her move towards more upmarket designer gear

Carla Bruni, wife of the French President, is well trained for the role of Asda rep. Previous jobs include Lacroix, Chanel, Versace...

Sienna Miller is also on Asda's shortlist to replace Coleen as the face – or, perhaps, the bottom – of its bargain jeans

Helen Mirren's acting credits include two queens of England, but Asda hopes she's ready for a grittier role: Asda housewife