Candid caller

THE crusade by Kelvin MacKenzie, editor of the Sun, for us little people to know what the big people are up to, prompted the questions: whose telephone calls would you most like to eavesdrop and would your own calls ever make compulsive listening?

Mr K Mackenzie of Glasgow: 'I'm a printer and I'd love to listen in to my business competitors. Mine might be interesting sometimes - the odd line might slip out now and again.'

Mrs K Mackenzie of Liss, Hampshire: 'I'd like to intercept Michael Jackson's calls, I'd love to know what's going on, or not going on, in that man's head. My own calls would make terribly dull listening.'

Mr K Mackenzie of Crewe, Cheshire: 'I've been disgusted by the royals having their calls tapped. Phone calls should be private things, I wouldn't want to listen in to any. My calls wouldn't interest anybody, I've got no scandals or skeletons in my cupboard.'

Mr K Mackenzie of Edinburgh: 'I'm sure Robert Maxwell's would have been pretty good - he listened in to everyone else's all the time. I think my calls are pretty ordinary.'

Mrs K Mackenzie of Heywood, Lancashire: 'John Major's. I think they'd be more gripping than mine.'

Mrs K Mackenzie of Steens Bridge, Hereford and Worcester: 'I'd like to listen to some of Bill Clinton's calls, especially in the next few weeks. Mine would be terribly uninteresting.'

Mrs K Mackenzie of Stanford le Hope, Essex: 'I'm not the sort of person who would want to listen in to anyone's calls. Mine wouldn't be interesting, unless I was having a love affair with someone like a politician - which I'm not, so don't start bugging my phone, will you?' ('Of course not'. . . click, click, whirr . . .)