The <i>IoS</i> Questionnaire

So have you got a drink problem? Are you an abstainer, a moderate imbiber, or a lush? Try our quiz and find out

1. Alcohol is...

a) The nasty smell that comes off nail polish remover.

b) The soft, peppery finish of a vintage Chilean Merlot consumed in front of a roaring fire.

c) My best friend, mentor and support network all in one.

2. My perfect evening consists of...

a) Yoga practice, a light salad and a fitful eight hours' sleep.

b) A Jamie Oliver-style dinner party complete with smiling friends, hearty home cooking and a few bottles of red, ideally in a loft apartment.

c) A few margaritas to get me going, a light snack with the wine list, a relaxing digestif and a nightcap or two at home. Mmm, perfect.

3. A chilled glass of rosé on a summer's day...

a) Should always be diluted with ice cubes and alternated with glasses of water.

b) Is second only to Prozac in the spirit-lifting stakes.

c) Tastes like Ribena. Does anyone have any vodka?

4. My favourite holiday fantasy is...

a) A week of meditation in an Andalucian finca where meat, sugar, alcohol and talking are strictly banned.

b) Anything from the Hip Hotel guides.

c) An all-inclusive hotel. Sun, sea, sand and cocktails unlimited.

5. When a dining companion orders - on expenses - a bottle of Chateau Mouton- Rothschild 1953...

a) I politely place my hand over the glass and ask for water. Sparkling please. It is a week night, after all.

b) I joyously savour the nectar of the gods before regaling the table with tales of my favourite fine wine memories.

c) Has it gone already? Waiter...

6. The perfect way to deal with the morning after the night before involves...

a) A quick jog in the park and a light breakfast of green tea, blueberry smoothie and porridge.

b) A good old proletarian fry-up with the weekend papers.

c) Bloody Mary anyone? My round.

7. I'll only be found out late on a Monday night if...

a) I've popped down to Fresh and Wild because I'm out of soya milk.

b) I've had a really bad day in the office and need a consolatory post-work glass of wine with colleagues.

c) Um. I'm always out on a Monday night. It's pub quiz night at the Red Lion.

8. My bedtime ritual consists of...

a) A relaxing candle-lit bath scented with lavender oil and strewn with rose petals followed by a warming cup of Horlicks.

b) Polishing off the remains of a bottle of really good red wine while watching an old Fellini movie.

c) God knows, can't remember.

How did you do?

Mostly As

Well done. How virtuous. With a life of macrobiotic diets and sun salutations your skin must be peachy. Just one word of warning - Gwyneth. Remember, the odd lychee martini won't kill you.

Mostly Bs

You waver between healthy bouts of indulgence and deprivation but only because you think it's fashionable. Keep walking the tightrope but take care not to slip into the As or Cs.

Mostly Cs

You may not be able to match La Moss in the style stakes - whiskey-stained jeans are never a good look - but you can console yourself by effortlessly qualifying for an extended stint at the celebrity rehab clinic du jour in Arizona.