Reader Dilemma: 'I am due to have a hysterectomy for non-health reasons but I'm told it's too dangerous - what should I do?

'I’m retiring and will be moving to the country to be closer to my family, and I want to get everything out of the way at once'

My friend says operations are extremely dangerous these days and that she wouldn’t go near a hospital unless it were a matter of life and death. (2011 Getty Images)

Dear Virginia

My doctor thinks I should have a hysterectomy, for various non-urgent medical reasons (I’m feeling fine, by the way). I’m retiring and will soon be moving to the country – downsizing in a big way – to be closer to my family, and I want to get everything out of the way at once. I’m due to have the operation a month after the move, but my friend says I’m mad and should wait. She says operations are extremely dangerous these days and that she wouldn’t go near a hospital unless it were a matter of life and death. What do you think?

Yours sincerely, Althea

Dear Althea

Does your doctor know that you’re not only retiring but also moving house a month before you’re contemplating having a major operation? And anyway, why is she or he (and I suspect somehow it’s a he) suggesting you have a hysterectomy at all if it’s not urgent? I have a fantasy of some knife-happy gynaecologist trying to get his hands on every womb he can in order to de-feminise an entire gender. Not a typical gynaecologist, of course, but I’ve met some pretty peculiar male gynaecologists in my time.

I agree with your friend, and many doctors would agree with me, I know. Never undergo surgery unless it’s absolutely necessary. The chance of things going wrong is, of course, incredibly slight, but they do go wrong now and again, and to get an infection in hospital is not uncommon at all; it’s often an infection that is difficult to cure. Is this surgeon planning to take out your ovaries at the same time? Okay, they may be past it – you say you’re retiring so presumably you’re not young – but I wouldn’t want to tinker with any organ that might affect my future mood. And then there’s the space. Take out one organ and everything else shuffles around to fill the void. It’s not always a happy situation.

So that’s my strictly non-medical view about the hysterectomy. But more importantly, have you really considered the great toll that retiring and moving at the same time will take on you, emotionally and physically? Moving house and retiring are among the two top stressors known to humankind. You may think now that you can handle it, but wait and see. You’ll have lost your job and the area in which you’ve lived for, presumably, quite a few years. It will be, I’m sure, a change for the better, but it’s a change nonetheless and our systems don’t particularly like change, either good or bad.

And finally, you say you want to move to be nearer your family. Presumably, you want to arrive on the scene fresh as a daisy, presenting yourself as a welcome contribution to the area and their lives. And yet you’re planning, only a month after you arrive, to become a total invalid and old croc for probably a matter of weeks, totally dependent on their care and a general drain on their time and kindness. It won’t be a good start.

If you have to have this operation, wait a while until you’ve established yourself in the area and built up a good circle of helpful friends who’ll be able to look after you when you’re recuperating, making you less dependent on your family.

But I still say: think again before you take this drastic step and make sure it’s really necessary before you go ahead.

Readers say...

Do it while you’re young

I feel well qualified to answer this question, since I had a hysterectomy on 21 December 2015. It was non-urgent, though I had had various gynaecological problems post-menopausally. I, too, wanted it out of the way now, since I am in my early seventies and my husband in his mid-seventies; and I felt that the older we were, the more likely there were to be complications for me and more generally for us both with my care afterwards. I stayed in for two nights, three days with excellent care and attention. At no point did I feel in any danger.

I did find the Hysterectomy Association website (hysterectomy-assoctiation.org.uk) and its booklet, “101 Helpful Hints for a Happy Hysterectomy”, very helpful both before and after.

Dinah Wise by email

Learn about the consequences

If you don’t need a hysterectomy for medical reasons, then don’t have one. You don’t mention whether your doctor is a man or a woman. I had a woman gynecologist and she performed a full hysterectomy on me at the age of 40 because I had an ovarian cyst and endometriosis. It sent me into menopause, which was awful, with the hot flushes, but more than that, it totally ruined my sex life. When I mentioned this after the surgery, the doctor said, “Oh yes, sometimes that happens.”

If you must have a hysterectomy, make sure you have fully researched and questioned why you need it and talked to many, many women about their experience.

Jennifer Gold by email

Don’t rush into this

Not because hospitals are dangerous (what sort of person tries to frighten a friend with that?) but because it takes at least a year to feel comfortably yourself again in a new setting, I’d advise you to put off the surgery, for a couple of years if possible. And if your doctor makes that difficult, you might ask for a second opinion, which would give you time. But two disorientating experiences in a few weeks? Don’t do it!

Alison Blakeney, Gloucestershire

It’s your body

A male consultant once suggested this to me. His view was that I no longer needed my womb as I had no wish for more children. To this, my female doctor, who saw no need for the procedure, replied, “Ask him if he has no more need for his testicles.”

Helen Muir, Ludlow

Next week's dilemma

My friend is always falling for hopeless men. But recently, she said she had found someone new – and she has been raving about him. She’s completely obsessed and says that at last she’s managed to buck the trend and find someone responsible – a sensitive man who will also care for her. But yesterday I met him and I’m afraid I can see he’s just another hanger-on, a total loser. I’ve talked to a few mutual friends and they all agree. Is there any way I can tell her this without her getting angry and upset? I hate to see her about to get hurt yet again.

Yours sincerely, Sue

What would you advise Sue to do?

To answer this dilemma, or to share your own problem, write to dilemmas@independent.co.uk, including your address. Anyone whose advice is quoted or whose dilemma is published will receive a Finest Bean Mini Bar Gift Pack from Prestat (prestat.co.uk)