How to be more confident, according to self-help experts

Wave goodbye to self-doubt this year

Olivia Petter
Friday 22 June 2018 11:24 BST

When it comes to raising confidence levels, there’s a lot of mixed messages out there.

Today’s self-esteem boosting jargon reads more like a pretentious Instagram bio than a series of pragmatic tips.

While it’s all very well and good to “believe in yourself”, "be true to who you are" and “be a strong and independent unicorn”, hackneyed phrases alone won’t bring out your inner Beyoncé.

In order to unleash your inner Bey (everyone has one), you need actual, feasible tips and according to a self-help expert, all it takes is a few key changes.

Writing for The Sun, Dr Pam Spurr explains that by following just four simple steps, you could be on your way to a whole new you in 2018, one that is anything but a wallflower.

Cut people out of your life

This might sound harsh, but according to Spurr, the most confident people are very discerning when it comes to their friendships.

She suggests keeping a distance from “toxic people” because they will only make you feel worse about yourself.

Whether they don’t support you or belittle you in front of others, there are some people that just aren’t worth having around.

Obviously it’s not quite as simple as unfriending them on Facebook and Spurr recognises that this could be a particularly difficult thing to do if a toxic person is a member of your family.

In these instances, she says it’s important to set some boundaries and to let them know that their behaviour will no longer be tolerated.

Use your intuition

According to Spur, one thing that interviews with confident people have revealed is that they all tend to listen to their gut.

They know when they feel comfortable in a situation and when they don’t and they respond accordingly.

This is particularly important because our intuition works in ways that we may not be consciously aware of, Spurr explains, meaning that it’s often worth paying attention to your intuitive thoughts, even if they seem a little wacky at the time.

So, next time you’re faced with a predicament, have faith and go with your gut.

Listen to your inner voice

Spurr explains that it’s also important to be “mentally flexible”.

When plans suddenly change, she says it’s crucial not to respond by panicking but by being pragmatic about finding a solution and adapting quickly.

“Be mindful of an inner voice that tells you: ‘Oh no, I can’t cope with this change!' You can. A new, flexible approach helps you face such fears,” she explains.

Don’t rely on others

It can be all-too-easy to rely on the approval of those around you in order to feel good about yourself.

But waiting around for compliments that never come isn’t going to do your self-esteem any favours.

“Become your own barometer of you,” advises Spurr, who suggests rewarding yourself for your achievements.

The best kind of confidence boost is one that comes from within yourself, she says.

This article has been updated. It was originally published in January 2018.

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