Man sparks debate after upsetting his girlfriend by building ‘man cave’ without her permission

‘She’s been acting all standoffish since,’ man writes.

Amber Raiken
New York
Friday 28 January 2022 16:41
Comments

A man has sparked a debate for offending his girlfriend by creating his own “man cave” in his basement without telling her.

In a post shared on 26 January in the Reddit Thread “Am I The A**hole”, @u/lowesman102, a 29-year-old man, explained how his girlfriend Molly, who he’s been with for two years, tends to stay at his apartment a lot.

And while he “loves having her around”, he said the couple doesn’t split the cost of living in this space.

“I pay for all the bills and have never asked molly to contribute,” he explained.  “She does buy groceries for us and will buy crafty items for the house.

“But she’s never been asked financially to contribute as she still has her own apartment she stays at about once or twice a week,” he added.

He noted that the “cooking and cleaning is split” pretty fairly between the two of them. However, they haven’t had any talks of officially moving in together.

One part of this home that really hasn’t been used but “is a great space” is his basement. According to the Reddit user, Molly wanted the make it into a “living room and dining space”, but he wanted it to be his “man cave”.

“​​But we haven’t made any sort of decision in over a year and the space was being left unused,” he explained.

When Molly was away for a week, her boyfriend was inspired to create the basement into his man cave, with the help of his friend, Shea.

“We designed everything and over the course of a week finished everything,” he wrote, “Painted, designed the bar, built a bar, found an old ping pong table on marketplace, got all my sports memorabilia out of boxes, hung a ton of pics, hooked up a speaker and a projector screen.”

But when Molly got home and saw these changes, her boyfriend claimed that she “flipped out”.

“Saying she couldn’t believe I did this without consulting her,” he explained. “I was kinda ticked off because it looked awesome and she didn’t even say anything positive. Just got offended she wasn’t consulted.”

He then told her that it was his house and that he didn’t understand “why [he] needs to consult her to make a decision”.

“She’s been acting all standoffish since and won’t even hang out in the basement while I’m spending a lot of my time here,” he wrote.

“My friends say that I’m right and it’s my place,” he added. “That we’re not married or even living together so it’s my choice what happens to my house. But my mom called me an idiot.”

The Reddit post has over 8,500 upvotes, so far, with some users in the comments expressing that while it is the boyfriend’s space, they can understand why Molly is upset.

“You two have been together two years, are almost 30, and have had conversations in the past about potential mutual plans for the house,” one wrote. “So yeah, technically you had every right to do this but you also clearly communicated to your girlfriend that the two of you aren’t on the same page.”

Another noted that while this boyfriend is technically not the a**hole in the situation, his actions sent an unkind “message” to Molly.

“What you’ve unintentionally done is send a loud message to Molly that you don’t see yourself sharing a home with her anytime soon,” a Reddit user explained. “The man cave was built with only your wants and needs in mind, and not as a space to be shared with a committed cohabitating partner.”

Many people saw the situation from Molly’s perspective, and how she must have felt when she saw that basement.

“She’s discussed plans for their future, even discussed using the spaces together specifically, and doesn’t seem like he shut them down,” one wrote. “She probably views it as their home. And if she stays over most of the time + they are serious, why shouldn’t she?”

“Doing this is a majorly dumb move – his communication skills are most certainly lacking,” the user added.

The Independent has reached out to @u/lowesman102 for a comment.

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