Traveller sparks debate after refusing to help carry partner’s luggage

‘When I travel with my partner, he doesn’t let me touch the big suitcase. It’s the decent thing to do in a relathionship,’ one reader says

Kaleigh Werner
New York
Tuesday 23 April 2024 22:04 BST
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A traveller’s candid confession about not wanting to help their partner with her luggage has sparked widespread debate over relationship expectations.

In a 23 April post to Reddit’s popular forum, Am I The A**hole, the individual gave context to their situation and asked for the opinions of anonymous users on who was in the wrong.

They started by explaining that their 25-year-old partner had their own 66-pound suitcase, while the Redditor usually took a large and small backpack that could carry about 55 pounds worth of stuff. Carrying two backpacks also always freed the original poster’s arms to carry “extra pieces (hostel linen, tote bags etc)”.

“It’s relatively comfortable, and importantly, it leaves me fairly free to go wherever terrain-wise,” they added of their packing method. “She does not use this approach, instead opting for the bohemoth roller suitcase and a smaller one. This means she cannot move her luggage over anything but the smoothest of ground.”

According to the Reddit user, their partner’s suitcase is so heavy that airport staff members typically place warning stickers on the outside shell. However, the Redditor particularly hates how his partner’s large luggage encourages her to pack more than necessary.

They wrote: “Meaning us lugging around gear that is rarely if ever taken out of the suitcase at stops. This all means that it is left to me to get our collective luggage to where it needs to be, the latest incident being up six flights of narrow stairs.”

Seeking advice on what the right decision would be, the Reddit user questioned whether refusing to help his partner moving forward was a good idea.

“I’m considering refusing to help in future trips unless she gets a more mobile and practical piece of luggage, is that likely to work and would it make me TA [the a**hole]?” they asked.

Readers flooded the original poster’s comments section, arguing how this could be seen as an effective or ineffective solution.

“I’m going with YTA, the reason being it’s a poor solution to the problem. Seems like you might have different ideas about holidays,” one reader proclaimed. “Your partner isn’t a backpacker, she likely doesn’t want to be climbing six flights of stairs.”

Another agreed: “YTA, massive. I also pack like your girlfriend and my bf packs like you (even less, he uses only one backpack). When I travel with my partner, he doesn’t let me touch the big suitcase. It’s the decent thing to do in a relathionship.”

“My mother taught me that if you can’t carry it, don’t take it. I travel a lot and have recently bought a smaller suitcase to improve my packing,” a third disagreed.

However, another person remarked: “I decided decades ago that if I can’t pick up my suitcase and actually run with it, then I have too much stuff.”

“I may be old school in my opinion, but making your female partner carry heavier items than you are isn’t cool,” one blunt person said.

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