Woman defended for refusing to invite former friend to wedding, despite being maid of honour at hers

‘Invitations aren’t memorials for old friendships that have come to the end of their existence,’ one person responds on Reddit

Amber Raiken
New York
Wednesday 27 March 2024 15:08 GMT
Related: Bride Surprises Mom In Repurposed 90s Wedding Dress

A woman has been defended for refusing to invite a former friend to her wedding, after serving as the maid of honour at her ex-pal’s nuptials.

In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, the bride-to-be asked if she was in the wrong for not inviting her “ex-best friend” to her wedding. She started by giving context about her previous friendship with a woman named Maria, noting they met when they were nine and “quickly became best friends”.

She then shared that, by high school, she and Maria started “growing apart,” before they “completely lost touch” when they went to college. She added that by the time they turned 23, they “only saw each other once a year at Christmas” for their friend group’s dinner. The Reddit user then explained that when she was asked to be Maria’s maid of honour, she was quite surprised.

“At the time she asked me, we had not seen or spoken to each other in almost two years, so it honestly shocked me when she asked, but I agreed,” she explained about Maria, who got engaged to her high school sweetheart. “She asked me about a year before the wedding.”

She noted that after she was asked to be maid of honour, Maria “did not speak” to her again for six months. She then explained how she felt like the wedding was an opportunity for her and her once-close pal to reconnect. However, according to the Reddit user, the two of them mainly got together for bridal party responsibilities.

“I had taken it to mean maybe she wanted to rekindle our friendship and reached out a few times during those six months to meet up for lunch or hang out, but she never responded,” she explained. “When she finally texted me, it was to meet up with her and her best friend (one of the bridesmaids) to pick out the dresses for the bridal party.”

She went on to recall that Maria showed up three hours late to this occasion, since “Maria and her friend decided to meet up for lunch and to hang out before”. The Reddit user added: “[They completely ignored] our agreed upon time and the fact that I had already said I was there and waiting for them.”

The woman added that she “genuinely felt so used and disrespected,” once Maria’s wedding day arrived. She then described her former friend’s behaviour at the wedding and noted they haven’t been in touch since the event.

“Maria was just mean. I waited until the speeches and the first dance were over, then I left the reception and went home. I have not spoken to her since,” she wrote.

After noting that it’s been four years since that wedding, she explained that she’s now engaged and getting married in a few months. She also expressed that she didn’t invite Maria or anyone in their old friend group, claiming that her friendship with the friend group “is well and truly dead”. However, the bride-to-be later discovered that Maria was expecting a wedding invitation.

“Apparently, Maria ran into my sister at a store and were chatting and my sister mentioned the wedding,” she continued. “Maria texted me (honestly shocked she still has my number) to send me her address ‘so I knew where to send her invitation’ and I just responded, ‘thank you, but the guest list is already set. Have a nice day.’”

She said things took a turn when her former friend group and family got involved and encouraged her to invite Maria to the wedding, since the Reddit user was the maid of honour at her ex-friend’s nuptials.

“They’re all blowing up my phone about inviting them ‘for old time’s sake’ and that I owe at least Maria an invitation because I was her MOH,” she added. “They’ve been posting on social media and now even my mom is getting involved, saying I should invite them all just to keep the peace and out of respect for our old friendship.”

She concluded her post by explaining her argument, emphasising that she hasn’t “spoken to [these friends] in years”. She also once again explained that she doesn’t “owe Maria an invitation just because [she] was her MOH”.

The Reddit post has quickly gone viral, with more than 3,800 upvotes as of 27 March. Many readers in the comments came to the bride-to-be’s defence, agreeing she shouldn’t have to invite people that she’s not close to, even after being in Maria’s wedding. They also criticised the woman’s former friend group for how they contacted her for an invitation.

Invitations aren’t memorials for old friendships that have come to the end of their existence,” one wrote. “They’re for the people who love you, support you, and will be in your life for years to come. And their dates. And maybe a few awkward relatives.”

“Who sends a text message to someone they haven’t spoken to in years and just assumes they’re invited? Your response was fine. Let her be mad,” another added.

A third wrote: “Keeping the peace means starting a war in yourself. Prioritise YOUR peace. You don’t want them there. And there’s no reason to pay 50+ a plate for ‘old times sake’. Weddings are an event meant to be attended by those who love and support you, they don’t meet either one of those qualifications.”

Other people gave their advice on how to handle the situation, with one writing: “First conversation is to shut mom down. Tell her the guest list is set and you are happy with it. She doesn’t have to like or understand your decision, she merely needs to accept it and stop bringing it up. As for the rest, there is no argument to be had. Ignore them. There is no ‘respect for old friendships’ necessary. No response, block them.”

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