Man defended for skipping stepbrother’s wedding after receiving invite late

‘This late invitation implies that you were never invited in the first place,’ one person writes on Reddit

Amber Raiken
New York
Wednesday 20 March 2024 21:45 GMT
Related: Bride and groom ride vintage tricycle at wedding in China

A man has been defended for wanting to skip his stepbrother’s wedding after receiving a late invitation.

In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, he asked if he was in the wrong for skipping out on the event, explaining that he received an invitation two days before the wedding. He went on to give some context about the situation, noting that he has two stepbrothers – Justin and Evan – and his father and their mother have been married for 15 years.

He added that while he was “close” to both of his step siblings throughout his teens, he acknowledged that he “slept with Evan’s ex-girlfriend” a few years ago, which “ruined” the two men’s relationship. The Reddit user went on to acknowledge his mistake, explaining that “[Evan] will likely never speak to [him] again”. He also noted that while he’s not in contact with Evan, he still finds other ways to see his family.

“Evan doesn’t want to see me, and so we haven’t been in the same room since we were 22 either,” he explained. “How this works is basically Evan getting invited first to anything that Justin or our parents are planning, and I am invited if he can’t make it. I know it’s awkward, and that I’ve caused this situation. I am just glad to see them at all, so it isn’t my place to complain.”

He went on to specify that Justin is getting married, with Evan being the groom’s best man. The Reddit user added that since he hasn’t spoken to Justin much about the wedding and wasn’t invited to it, he decided to leave town during the event.

“I booked a trip overseas during the time of his wedding, to get away instead of being home and sad not to be there. I didn’t tell Justin or our parents, because there was no need to bring it up,” he continued. “We all knew I wasn’t going to be there, and why.”

The man went on to reveal that two days before the wedding, Justin called and said that Evan agreed that the original poster could come to the nuptials. After noting that Justin told him he “really wants” him there, the man explained how upset the groom was when he turned the invitation down.

“I told Justin that unfortunately I can’t make it because I’m away. Now he’s mad at me for not telling him I was going away, and for all the effort he spent in convincing Evan to let me come,” he continued. “But I never asked him to do that, and I would have told him not to because I don’t think it’s fair to Evan who has set a boundary. I’m not trying to cause him more pain.”

He claimed that Justin was “pissed”, before adding that his cousin also told him he’s “furious”and “done” with him. He then explained how his father tried to get him to come home for the wedding, which was an offer that he turned down, for the sake of the friend he was travelling with.

“My dad called me later and told me if it’s about money he’d buy my ticket home, but I explained it’s not just about money (although a lot of the trip is non refundable),” he continued. “If it was just me I’d consider going home, but I’m travelling with a friend who didn’t sign up to be in Europe for 10 days by himself.”

The Reddit user noted that while his father and cousin are upset, he still thinks it’s “unfair” that he’s being asked to attend Justin’s wedding with a two day notice.

The Reddit post quickly went viral, with more than 1,200 upvotes as of 20 March. In the comments, many readers came to his defence, claiming that he should proceed with his trip and that he shouldn’t accept the wedding invitation at the last minute. Others criticised Justin for not inviting his brother to the nuptials initially, despite the drama between his step sibling and Evan.

“Even if you weren’t abroad right now, two days isn’t enough time. On an ordinary Monday, wouldn’t you have work?” another wrote. “Where would you get your clothes from? Wedding gift? Travel? At a certain point, everyone has to take the reality check that they have a part in this; two weeks? Tight, but doable. Two days? It ain’t happening.”

“He obviously knew you knew you weren’t invited. Were you expected to just mope around devastated you weren’t invited? You had no obligation to say you were going away and wouldn’t be available to attend an event you weren’t invited to.” another wrote. “You do have an obligation to the friend you’re travelling with. Do not cancel your trip!”

“You already made your plans partly to accommodate their choices since you knew you wouldn’t be welcomed at the wedding. And they gave you an extremely late invitation, which is disrespectful and hurtful,” a third wrote. “This late invitation implies that you were never invited in the first place. You already knew that, but honestly, it’s Justin’s wedding, not Evan’s. The groom and bride are the only ones who get a say on who to invite or not and he decided to choose Evan only instead of having you both from the very beginning.”

However, in an edit to the post after receiving all the Reddit comments, the man shared that he would be flying home for Justin’s wedding and then returning to his trip the next day, since he couldn’t “lose another brother or the opportunity to see Evan”.

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