People defend man who called fiancée ‘selfish’ over pregnancy announcement plan

‘Practically evil,’ one person said of woman’s plan

Chelsea Ritschel
New York
Wednesday 28 June 2023 15:36 BST

Related: Best man reveals he used to date bride during wedding speech

People are defending a man who questioned whether he was wrong to call his fiancée “selfish” over her plan to announce her pregnancy at her cousin’s wedding.

In a post shared to the Reddit subreddit AITA [Am I the a**hole], the 31-year-old man, who goes by the username u/anonymousAITAH, revealed that he and his 29-year-old partner recently found out that they are expecting a child.

According to the Reddit user, he became concerned when his fiancée revealed that she planned to inform her family about the pregnancy at her cousin’s upcoming wedding, as he said that, in addition to taking away from their moment, the bride-to-be and her partner have been struggling to conceive themselves.

The OP [original poster] also revealed that his fiancée’s cousin had recently experienced a miscarriage, and that she and her partner had postponed their wedding as they grieved the loss.

“My fiancée mentioned that she wanted to wait to announce it at her cousin’s wedding, which will be taking place on Sunday,” he wrote. “Her cousin and her husband have been struggling getting pregnant even with IVF.

“Recently, they just got some news that their insurance has stopped funding IVF and not to mention the heartbreak of a recent miscarriage on Mother’s Day. They held off on the wedding.”

According to the man, because of what his partner’s cousin has been going through, he told his fiancée that it wasn’t a “good idea” to announce her pregnancy at the wedding.

“This just seemed so wrong, especially it being at their wedding,” he wrote, adding: “I asked if she was going to at least ask her cousin for permission and she said no because she wanted it to be a surprise for everyone.”

In addition to being insensitive, the man said he also encouraged his partner not to go through with her plan because it would take attention away from the newlyweds on the day of their wedding.

However, according to the Reddit user, his fiancée disagreed, as she claimed that the wedding would be the “perfect time” to share the pregnancy news “because it’s such a joy and it’s not like she can keep it away forever”. He said she also argued that her cousin’s struggles to get pregnant  “shouldn’t keep her from [sharing] something so positive”.

“I told her that’s not the point, she knows what they’ve been through and she’s being selfish if she actually goes through with that,” he wrote, adding that she “cried” and claimed he wasn’t being “supportive”.

According to the man, his fiancée no longer wants him to come to the wedding.

In a follow-up edit made to the post, the man revealed that there has been some tension in his fiancée’s relationship with her cousin since they were children, as his partner “always saw competition in her cousin”.

The post, which has since been upvoted more than 7,000 times, has seen viewers overwhelmingly agree with the man’s suggestion that his fiancée is being “selfish”.

“Hijacking someone’s event to make your own announcement is extremely rude and selfish. Add on that the couple is having trouble getting pregnant themselves - it’s [10 times worse],” one person commented.

Another said: “She is being selfish. Not the time or place to announce a pregnancy.”

Others encouraged the man to warn the bride and groom ahead of their wedding of his fiancée’s plan.

“Give the cousin a call and let them know what’s up. Give them a chance to uninvite her. She will ruin the day for them if she’s not stopped. What a horrible, selfish person!” one comment reads, while someone else wrote: “The fact she won’t ask her cousin means she knows what she wants to do is wrong.

“Honestly at this point do you have any contact with her cousin/family? Would it be worth reaching out to try to warn them? Or maybe do some sort of preemptive party/announcement? Personally I’d view this as a huge red flag that your fiancée can’t comprehend having another occasion to announce this, and wants to ruin her cousin’s wedding day with this.”

According to Diane Gottsman, national etiquette expert and founder of The Protocol School of Texas, who spoke to Today, there are certain unspoken rules that all wedding guests should abide by, and they include not making “big announcements” at someone else’s wedding.

“Don’t trump the bride and groom with your own proposals, your own news. And certainly don’t give a toast and embarrass the bride and groom with details about other relationships,” Gottsman said.

The Independent has contacted u/anonymousAITAH for comment.

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