Wife questions whether she was wrong to keep $47,000 ‘escape fund’ secret from husband

‘Your husband is stressed and over worked, wants to downsize but you continue to add to your secret stash of $47k?’ says Reddit user

Brittany Miller
New York
Wednesday 28 February 2024 22:50 GMT
Related: Wife teaches dog how to ‘speak’ to boss husband around

One woman was prepared to make sure that she remained financially stable, whether she stayed married to her husband or not.

In a recent Reddit post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit, a stay-at-home wife explained how she went about saving money without her husband knowing.

“When I got married, my mother came to me privately and talked about setting aside money as a rainy day/escape fund if worst came to worst,” her post read. “My husband has never showed any signs of being dangerous and rarely even gets upset, but the way my mother talked about it, it seemed like a no-brainer to have.”

She and her husband agreed that she would be a stay-at-home wife while he worked and made a “mid six figures” salary. At one point, he was injured on the job and the couple lost all of their life savings, so she took a part time job to earn extra money. However, he made her quit after he insisted that it was his role to “provide”.

“He currently is working two full-time jobs and Ubers on his off days to keep us afloat,” the post continued.

“I do all of the expense managing and have continued to put money into my ‘escape account’ although I significantly decreased from $750 a month to just $200 a month. My husband came home exhausted one night and asked about downsizing because the stress of work was going to kill him. I told him downsizing would not be an option as I had spent years making our house a home, and offered to go back to work.”

He then went through all of their finances to see where the couple could cut back on expenses, and noticed his wife’s multiple withdrawals over the years were going into her escape account. She then revealed the account to her husband, resulting in him “sobbing.”

“His POV is I treated him like a predator and hid money from him for years even when he was at his lowest,” she recalled.

“I told him that the money was a precaution I would have taken with any partner and not specific to him. He left the house to stay with his brother and said I hurt him on every possible level. But my mom says this is exactly what the money is for and should bail now,” the post ended, as she asked Reddit users for their opinion.

Since then, many people have turned to the comments section to criticise her decision.

“This just can’t be real,” one comment began. “I refuse to accept that anyone could be this obtuse and casually cruel to a person who cared for and about them to the point of a breakdown. Seriously I’d feel much better if you came on here and said ‘just kidding!’”

“I read this twice and I’m sorry but you’re the a**hole. Big time,” another commenter agreed. “Your husband is stressed and over worked, wants to downsize but you continue to add to your secret stash of $47k? I understand wanting to have a stash, but almost $50k for a ‘rainy day’ fund is ridiculous, especially since he’s proven in your eight years together that he is a good man. If you don’t want to leave the house, figure out how the $47k can help you stay and allow your husband to at least quit the Uber gig.”

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