Caught in the net

Earlier this summer, Mike Anderiesz set about researching the phenomenon of cyberstalking. The last thing he expected was to end up a victim himself

Earlier this summer, I joined an internet dating agency called Faceparty. I was looking for people who had fallen victim to cyberstalkers: what I didn't anticipate was that I'd end up experiencing it first hand.

Faceparty has more than 450,000 members. During the first few days, I made contact with a number of women, including Kylee from Michigan. Soon we were exchanging instant messaging details which also allowed me to hear her voice. A few days later, I was contacted by a man – Pete Downs. While it may be unusual for straight men to contact each other out of the blue on services like this, I thought no more of it. We chatted about the World Cup and I mentioned I had met someone else from Michigan. The next time I heard from Pete, he told me he had also found Kylee and they were now in contact. He told me how fun and cute she was, and that he would keep me posted.

Over the next fortnight, Pete emailed me repeatedly, revealing a growing obsession with Kylee. First he claimed to know where she worked, then sent me details of where she lived and said he was watching her movements in person. Then he went into explicit sexual detail as to what he wanted to do to her. By now I had warned her and we were both blocking his emails, but every day he changed his Yahoo address and continued. I was also made aware that my phone number and other personal details had been compromised, one of my own webpages had been hacked into, and my online nickname and picture were being used on other dating services.

Finally, at the start of the third week, Kylee informed me that Pete had turned up at her place of work and followed her home. Deeply concerned for her safety, I informed the Michigan State Police. By the beginning of this month, and with the help of an anti-stalking organisation, Haltabuse, I began to trace Pete's emails with a view to forcing his internet service provider to bar him.

Cyberstalking is growing as rapidly as the web itself. Counting only three of the main anti-stalking organisations (Haltabuse.org, Safetyed.org and Wirepatrol.org), there are around 30,000 reported cases per year (primarily in the US, although rising fast worldwide). Statistics show that 84 per cent of victims are known to be female and 26 per cent of incidents evolve into real-life encounters.

A cyberstalker is someone who latches on to you in a chatroom or while surfing the web and begins to covertly track your movements. From here they can pester you with emails, bombard you with pornography, use your name, pictures or identity to cause slander or commit fraud. At best, a cyberstalker may cost you hours in time and sleep. At worst, the consequences can be fatal – as in the case of Amy Boyer (www.amyboyer.org), a 21-year-old New Englander. In 1999, Liam Youens traced her social security number online and murdered her, having recorded his intentions in a gruesome online diary for all to see. After her death, her social security and credit card details were resold online to commit further fraud.

"The internet allows anyone to wear a mask," says Dr Patrick Kennedy, a psychologist at St Nicholas's Hospital, Newcastle, who has been watching the phenomenon with increasing concern. "The paedophile, for example, can present himself as a child, an OAP, a youngster – we can create a fantastical image of ourselves to the person at the other end of the modem. It provides a real source of escapism, largely in a safe way – but it's also open to abuse."

Looking for similarities with real-life stalkers can be misleading. A stalker usually has a real perceived relationship of love or hate with the person they're stalking. A cyberstalker may be simply playing games, trying to demonstrate how clever they are at your expense, or merely killing time. Protected by one of a hundred fake identities and email addresses, they seem to possess infinite patience and relentless energy. In many ways, they have more in common with hackers.

"There is no 'classic' cyberstalker," explains Jane Hitchcock, the founder of Haltabuse.org, whose own five-year struggle with a cyberstalker ended last December. "They can be anyone, of any age, blue-collar, white-collar – your neighbour, the boy who bags your groceries. There is no one profile and they're not after anything in particular. Sometimes they stalk online because of a minor disagreement that blew up and they couldn't let go; sometimes it's a power trip to see how far they can go; sometimes it gets out of their control and then they just can't stop it until they are caught."

Usually the main weapon used against us is our own complacency. Every time we log on, every email we send, every picture we post or dating service we subscribe to, betrays crucial information about us. While this information is easy to obtain by anyone with a modicum of technical know-how, it is often freely given in our own online profiles and conversations.

But what is the average internet user supposed to do about it? With legislation still struggling to define online harassment, and personal information so easy to obtain, the obvious advice is just to be careful and sensible.

"As in real life, there are good people and bad people online," concludes Hitchcock. "There are good and bad places. I always recommend: if you wouldn't say it to a stranger on the street, then don't 'say' it online. You're much safer that way." All very well and good, but as my own example shows, it is still easy to be caught out.

The results of Haltabuse's trace was unexpected, although, in hindsight, embarrassingly obvious. Pete and Kylee's emails were coming from the same ISP and their accounts had been opened within days of each other. All contact ceased and I have heard from neither of them since. So, if they were the same person, what was their motivation for wasting so much of my time and energy?

"She seems to be trying to encourage your paternal instincts," suggests Dr Patrick Kennedy. "She wants you to protect her. She is saying: 'Look, I'm a victim – I need immense amounts of support and attention.' This is a technique that is often used in relationships that are breaking up. It rings bells of insecure attachment and inadequate self-esteem. It's a complex mess of her own needs and, to be honest, yours."

Avoid sharks when surfing

Check all your online profiles (usually listed under "options" or "preferences" in the service you are using) to ensure they include no revealing details such as your real surname or email address. Never use real photographs – these can be stolen, altered and used against you.

Never divulge your home address, phone number, etc to anyone who you meet online.

Always keep copies of threatening or abusive emails and instant messages, even if you do not read them.

Seek help. There are free tools to help you stalk the stalkers and organisations to offer support. Three useful free websites are www.haltabuse.org, www.safetyed.org and, for a UK perspective, www.intel-sec.demon.co.uk.