Stefano Hatfield on Advertising

The Dark Ages are back, thanks to executive blogs and internet video

There is so much "emperor's new clothes" going on about the internet that I'll risk accusations of being a Luddite to point out that some contributors appear to have small willies. Excitement over this relatively new medium appears to be an invitation to allow the content to regress to the Dark Ages of communication.

Take the case of Miller Beer's internet video that has, apparently, been linked to by more than 10,000 sites. In this animated film, a guy sitting next to a girl on the sofa tries to have a quick peek down her cleavage without her catching him doing so. The viewer moves his cursor over the man's face to direct his gaze. When she catches him gawping, a big can of Miller drops down and crushes him. I'd like to tell you about the reward you get for sneaking a peek, but I could never get that far, and suddenly became aware of contributing to the 551,000 years a year (according to Advertising Age) that employees at work waste on blogs and other internet doodling.

But imagine this as a script for a 2005 television commercial. Forget about the blogtastic excitement of "engagement" via the medium, and focus on the content. Inconceivable, isn't it?

Luckily, Bob Lutz has a cure for that. Lutz is the vice chairman and former marketing head honcho of General Motors (GM). Clearly McKinsey or Deloittes or some such told him about this new-fangled phenomenon out there, and how it would be a good way to reach GM's youth audience. So, now, he has his own blog (well, at least one he shares with other GM suits) called Fastlane. In it he rants, mostly at the media, about allegedly inaccurate coverage of GM's wonderfulness. This from 19 October: "It seems that ever since we announced we were bringing out our next generation full-size trucks and utilities, people seem to think it's unwise... I'll admit that on the surface it may seem incongruous to introduce vehicles like this, given today's fuel prices. But, I have to tell you, these products still make a lot of sense..."

And so on, digging GM's own grave among the same youthful audience it seeks to attract. They would never let him off the leash like this in an ad. Never mind the concerns of brand managers about citizen-bloggers and so on, the true real and present danger to marketers is from band-wagon-jumping executives. Much more on this subject soon.

SIGH! GM - the company that looks for every possible excuse for its continuing sales crisis in the US save the one staring it in its face: horrible cars. I was going to have a pop at its Vauxhall subsidiary's own clumsy attempt to appropriate a little street credibility among Britain's youth through its latest "VX collective" commercial. But then I met the spot's Czech director who was so disarmingly naive and optimistic about the film's intent that I almost completely forgot there was another cheque involved.

EURO RSCG is to tempt its new CEO and/or management team by offering them names above the door in the manner of the briefly-ascendant Euro RSCG Wnek Gosper. That moniker reflected the resurgence of the previously rag-tag agency under the leadership of Mark Wnek (my predecessor in this space) and Brett Gosper, both now trying to surge in the US. It contrasted with the agency's subsequent - although unofficial -name under Ben Langdon: Euro RSCG Bish Bash Bosh.

A name in lights may sound nice, but it's no guarantee of a table at the Ivy. Why on earth would any thrusting agency executive choose this option to further their career at a time when the hottest agencies now have silly names like Mother and Strawberry Frog. What's more, relatively unexceptional start-up agencies like VCCP and Miles Calcraft Briginshaw Duffy are selling for such extraordinary multiples, enjoying all the exit-reward having thrived on the benefits of independence.

Why would anyone capable of creating a start-up choose the tacking-on of a name above a door at a time when many big clients appear to only endure their agency-network relationship under sufferance? I could be wrong, but I challenge readers to send me recent examples of successes other than Wnek and Gosper.

It's a shame the agency has slipped back a little since. Let's just hope that whoever takes the job has a short name. It's vital both for Campaign headlines and staff retention. In New York, Messner Vetere Berger McNamee Schmetterer Euro RSCG (sic) surely has problems keeping switchboard operators.

BORING, BUT important. The news that Yahoo is pulling out of the race to take a stake in AOL will be of some relief to those in the ad world concerned about the apparently inexorable rise in power of Yahoo as a media owner. The news that those still in the running include Google and Microsoft should make anyone dozing at the back of the class wake up.

JUST PLAIN boring. I have tried to avoid writing about the Havas chairman and noted corporate raider Vincent Bolloré's daily 0.2-per-cent increase in his Aegis stake, it being almost as exciting as watching Farrow and Ball Elephant's Breath paint dry. One might, if one knew him, be happy for M. Bolloré that he is so clever that he can have such a bright wheeze up his sleeve that no one else can quite understand. Until that day comes (and perhaps beyond) the staff at Aegis companies like Vizeum and Carat have to go to work every day with unsettling insecurity hanging over their heads, inhibiting their ability to do the day-jobs that made Aegis an attractive investment in the first place.

I guess it's how rich people play the lottery in their personal Camelots: wake up, buy 0.2 per cent of a company on a long shot, check to see if the numbers match, until one day theyz get a bonus ball and can cash in. It's too late now to tick the box marked "no publicity" though.

Hatfield's Best In Show: Marmite

Marmite has got to be the second most disgusting thing that a nice girl could put in her mouth. In the light of which, there is absolutely nowhere else in the world where this ad could run, let alone succeed. To sell a product on the back of a negative association is a uniquely British trait. So successful was this BMP DDB ad for Marmite that it has been dragged back on air, apparently by popular demand, a full five years after its initial appearance.

The casting and setting of the beautiful blonde taking the slightly geeky bloke back to her place for a night cap are both spot on. So is the way in which he expresses understandable amazement that the blonde babe would want to snog him, and then revulsion as she gives him a full-on tongue sandwich. Why? The camera pulls back gently to reveal that in the kitchen she has had a quick bite of a Marmite-covered bagel. "You either love it or hate it" is the extraordinary line, and there is scarcely an adult in Britain who is not able to relate to it.

Despite this inherent product truth it is inconceivable that a thought such as this could be the strategy behind any product anywhere else, particularly the United States. Which American chairman would pay for the denigration of his own product? It's a treat to see this ad in a break and it gives the lie to the idea that those of us with a Sky+ or TiVo machine will never watch the ads. If it's good enough, we will even seek out an ad (cue this week's Heineken jibe). This may not win at Cannes next June but who cares? It's designed to sell Marmite to Brits, not Lions to the ad world. The only flaw is: however disgusting Marmite may be, a snog from this actress is surely worth it.

If you can think of another brand that denigrates itself send your mail to Stefanohat1@aol.com