Flat Earth: Get your rocks off

ANY OF you been to Australia and come home with a chip of Ayers Rock as a souvenir? If so, go directly to the mantelpiece or attic or wherever the damned thing is, pick it up with a pair of tweezers, and post it at once to the Park Manager, Uluru, Northern Territory, 0872. Or you'll be sorry.

The Pitjantjatjara and the Yankunytjatjara tribes that own the Rock have, after due consideration, laid a curse on all those who have made off with bits of the sacred monolith over the years. And it seems to be a curse of the highest quality. All kinds of untoward things have ensued and the fragments are duly flowing back from all over Australia. So if you want to put an end to dishwasher accidents, missing babies and that poltergeist activity in the spare room - act now.